Cement Girl

oh. another thing one of the girls said to me last night.

Amy: Are you a tomboy?
Me: Yeah, kinda.. could you tell?
Amy: Yeah... girls that are kinda prissy and all pretty like and stuff wouldn't wear basketball shirts. I'm a tomboy, too..."

(I was wearing my "mt. storm basketball #4" shirt that i got from the goodwill).

I liked that girl.

In my household, growing up, there was no swearing. I don't think I ever heard a swear word out of my parents' house until I was out of high school. I have just grown up knowing that you don't need cussing to express your feelings, that you can do that simply with other normal words. So people that know me know that i don't ever really swear.. for some people it's a habit TO swear.. for me it's a habit not to.

I've just always associated swearing with negative things. Cause when you think about it- all those words ARE negative. Not that I don't say negative things myself (like 'that's satanic'), but i still flinch when i hear those words, and they've never really meant anything positive to me.

So then I bought this Mates of State cd. And if anyone could make the word "ass" fun and sing along like.. it's them. I've resorted to swearing when I sing along with them. Track 4 on "My Solo Project".

"Get off your ass before you go." I find this post pretty funny. You should, too.

I saw Alina today and talked a little bit. She and Stephanie got moved into the apartments... AND I"M SO SAD. wah. i want my sophomores. aaghh.

So i babysat for these two girls last night that were absolute DOLLS. they were so great. The 6 year old, Jane, was hysterical. I couldn't even keep myself from laughing at her comments. Here are some conversations from last night. Amy is her eight year old sister.

Amy: What's your favorite number.. pick a number for the game.
Jane: Two. Two is my favorite number.
Me: Why's that?
Jane: Well.. I think two is a lucky number. Like.. you go to the store, you go to the park. You just use it all the time, it must be a lucky number.


Jane (just... looking at me. We were swinging.): Why do you have one earring in one ear and five in the other one?
Me: Wow. you are a good observer. Umm.. i was just being silly.


Jane (getting into bed): Look what i can do! (plugs her nose, keeps her nostrils sucked in, and crosses her eyes).
Me: ..... wow... you are silly.


(we were talking about how their family is going to Boston and Cape Cod in a few days)
Jane: Have you ever been to Cape Cod?
Me: I sure haven't. It sounds like fun, though!
Jane (putting her hand across her chest): OH!!! IT is SOOOOOO much fun.


Anyway- these girls were really great, and they just renewed my love for little kids. This is all i have to say for now.

OH YEAH! any Portland area friends (people from warner, whatever)... there's a local music showcase at a park this saturday (the twelfth). Natalie and I are going. April might be going. I'd love to see you there. My favorite local band, The Carolines, are playing and they are great beyond question. e-mail me at thenewdroan@yahoo.com if you want more details.

okay. i was just reading through that last post, and laughing at myself... why do i decide to write some of these things?

[yawn] i just realized (as this page was loading) that i should've taken a nap today.. and now it's sort of too late to take one. Waking up at 5:30 is not the funnest thing in the world. I have a job tonight till ten or eleven.

All of residence life are e-mailing each other about our summers. I wrote about my fourth of July and my brother helping me decide what to buy, and helping me through my list. And then i pathetically wrote that i haven't had many jobs, and that i sit around my house all day. whoo! how exciting. I pushed the send button, and then i'm all "i just told them all that i'm a loser!" oh well.

I do NOTHING during the days. Except be on the internet and watch tv. And today i finished sorting my pictures. And i cleaned up my room a tiny bit. Yesterday I emptied the dishwasher. whoo! isn't that great. I don't even have to go help at church tomorrow... i'll take a nap tomorrow.

I decided that my new word is "satanic". like if i think something is bad or stupid or not okay.. it's satanic.

Basically because i was telling someone on a message board about walkabout and at the end i said ".... it's satanic, really."

that was fun.

What if (now see.. here is where i just go off on tangents cause i'm so bored) I used the word "satanic" on walkabout? I think it'd be really funny if i thought everything was satanic. Do you think I'd drive people crazy?

The funny thing about walkabout is that i don't really know anybody that is going. I mean- i know all their names, but I don't really KNOW anybody but my Pa, Courtney (that reminds me- i need to write her a check.) So what if I made everyone think I was crazy and demented during walkabout? whoo. that'd be fun.

I think I'm tired of people not knowing who I am and being one of those run of the mill. I think I'm ready to let loose on these leadership folk and show 'em what's up.


HAHAHA I crack myself up. Like that's going to happen.

the end.

I actually have plans for todaaaaaaaaay!!! woop!

last night i babysat some good kids, and watched two hours of tv! good night.

This is my plan for today. (maybe.. since i'm so completely ridiculously bored, i'll come back later and tell you if i got everything done! oo!)

I'm gonna go to walmart. I need:
new hairbrush (I lost mine on the mexico trip)
ponytail holders (i never wear my hair down anymore)
deoderant (no comments please)
shampoo
picture box
picture frame

I should print this out and take it with me, so i don't forget anything, yeesh.

Then i plan on going to school to see if i have any mail, and turning in this release for walkabout that should've been in before i left school (early may). Oops. Sorry Shannon.

Then i must go to the bank.

Then i plan on driving past Lilia's Taco Shop and see if they are still in business. If so, I shall purchase a Carne Asada burrito for lunch. Yum. MMMMM. hope they are still open.

I ran/walked yesterday morning, and this morning. i'm sore.

"Think of all the scripts you could've written
Think of all the lives you could've placed in the sun
Think of loneliness that's everlasting
Kid you better make your move
and if you don't then you've received the payoff"-The Carolines

NATALIE? DO YOU READ THIS? don't forget about Saturday- do you have to work yet?

I know this is a really petty thing to thank God for...

but i wanted a new stereo. I go back to school in a month and there were two things i needed to earn money for (that i wanted) before i go back to school. A used refrigerator (buying it from my PA), and a stereo.

But last night my mom told me that i could "use" (borrow) my parents' stereo for my dorm room. That means that's 80-100 dollars i don't have to spend on a new stereo. Hip hip!

That means I just owe Courtney 75 dollars, and then all other money i earn this month can go for my car. Very good stuff, because i don't know how much money i'll be earning this month.

bored bored bored outta my gourd.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

scream of frustration.

I finally got to cry about alison today. I had read about it a week ago... didn't cry. When i said something to April about it, i didn't cry. When i posted on vagrant i didn't cry. But today on the way to church in the park i dropped off my library books (my mom was driving) and got back in the car, and it just came out.

"there was this girl that i knew on vagrant.....She lived near here.....I met her once, i think, at a switchfoot concert.... When i got back from Mexico... i found out she committed suicide..."

I didn't think I'd get choked up... but when my mom asked "How old was she?" I couldn't get the words to come out...

and i waved my hands at my face like i do when i'm about to cry, but i don't want to.. and i said "i'm gonna cry..." and my mom said through tears "me too.."

So we cried together in the car.. for a life lost.. someone I hardly knew, someone my mom didn't know at all.

And all day i've been wondering those questions i'll never know the answers to:

Why does someone like alison feel so lost that she would take her own life?

Why do some babies like Hannah get the privilege to be born into situations where they are loved and admired, while some other babies never see the light of day because they are unwanted?

Why do some people survive crossfire and hell while others die while serving in the armed forces?

Why was I born in America, where my parents own a new house and i have the opportunity for a wonderful, beautiful education, while there are kids all across the world who cannot even afford to go to elementary school or go to the doctor, much less learn about Jesus.

Some things i'll never know.