Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Why can't I be normal? Far too often I let my emotions get the best of me. Far too often I go into "pout" mode, which I think I conceal fairly well from others, but let's not kid ourselves- it's ridiculous. I'm not four years old.
Ever since about middle school I've had this fear that I will bug people or annoy people and just plain bother them. Because of this I don't pursue any sort of relationship, which includes even asking people to do something, asking a lot of favors, etc. If it's a Saturday night and I'm bored I sit at home. I don't call someone to ask if they want to do something. I hate it when people who annoy me are constantly around, I'd rather not annoy others. You know what this leads to? A lot of lonely Saturday nights and few friends. I even do this with my close friends I do have. I never want to step on toes. I never want to put someone in the very uncomfortable situation of saying "uh, i don't want to hang out with you." I'd rather not give them the opportunity.
I'm ready to throw my hands up in the air and call it quits. My parents just sold their house, some stuff happened with my brother, my students were complete brats today. I'm approaching solo-ing in student teacher and i still fear that my cooperating teacher doesn't like me that much. I'm done. It's 9pm and I'm going to bed.
I'm a 23 year old stuck in a 42 year old PTA mom mindset and I feel like I can't properly socialize with my peers, properly teach a class, properly have any relationships, and on and on and on.
someone tell me when this is over.
Ever since about middle school I've had this fear that I will bug people or annoy people and just plain bother them. Because of this I don't pursue any sort of relationship, which includes even asking people to do something, asking a lot of favors, etc. If it's a Saturday night and I'm bored I sit at home. I don't call someone to ask if they want to do something. I hate it when people who annoy me are constantly around, I'd rather not annoy others. You know what this leads to? A lot of lonely Saturday nights and few friends. I even do this with my close friends I do have. I never want to step on toes. I never want to put someone in the very uncomfortable situation of saying "uh, i don't want to hang out with you." I'd rather not give them the opportunity.
I'm ready to throw my hands up in the air and call it quits. My parents just sold their house, some stuff happened with my brother, my students were complete brats today. I'm approaching solo-ing in student teacher and i still fear that my cooperating teacher doesn't like me that much. I'm done. It's 9pm and I'm going to bed.
I'm a 23 year old stuck in a 42 year old PTA mom mindset and I feel like I can't properly socialize with my peers, properly teach a class, properly have any relationships, and on and on and on.
someone tell me when this is over.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
A friend has been giving me crap lately about my "PTA Mom" behavior. The glares, being excited about things going on at my school, etc. I'm sure my cookie making falls into this category, too.
I don't know why it bothers me, but it does. It drives me crazy. What kind of 20 something guy is going to be attracted to the PTA mom? Answer: They're not.
Besides, it's not what I really want. I don't want to be that.
Maybe I'm just already an old, crusty lady and I should just succumb to aprons, bake sales, and yelling at kids.
I don't know why it bothers me, but it does. It drives me crazy. What kind of 20 something guy is going to be attracted to the PTA mom? Answer: They're not.
Besides, it's not what I really want. I don't want to be that.
Maybe I'm just already an old, crusty lady and I should just succumb to aprons, bake sales, and yelling at kids.
