Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Why can't I be normal? Far too often I let my emotions get the best of me. Far too often I go into "pout" mode, which I think I conceal fairly well from others, but let's not kid ourselves- it's ridiculous. I'm not four years old.
Ever since about middle school I've had this fear that I will bug people or annoy people and just plain bother them. Because of this I don't pursue any sort of relationship, which includes even asking people to do something, asking a lot of favors, etc. If it's a Saturday night and I'm bored I sit at home. I don't call someone to ask if they want to do something. I hate it when people who annoy me are constantly around, I'd rather not annoy others. You know what this leads to? A lot of lonely Saturday nights and few friends. I even do this with my close friends I do have. I never want to step on toes. I never want to put someone in the very uncomfortable situation of saying "uh, i don't want to hang out with you." I'd rather not give them the opportunity.
I'm ready to throw my hands up in the air and call it quits. My parents just sold their house, some stuff happened with my brother, my students were complete brats today. I'm approaching solo-ing in student teacher and i still fear that my cooperating teacher doesn't like me that much. I'm done. It's 9pm and I'm going to bed.
I'm a 23 year old stuck in a 42 year old PTA mom mindset and I feel like I can't properly socialize with my peers, properly teach a class, properly have any relationships, and on and on and on.
someone tell me when this is over.
Ever since about middle school I've had this fear that I will bug people or annoy people and just plain bother them. Because of this I don't pursue any sort of relationship, which includes even asking people to do something, asking a lot of favors, etc. If it's a Saturday night and I'm bored I sit at home. I don't call someone to ask if they want to do something. I hate it when people who annoy me are constantly around, I'd rather not annoy others. You know what this leads to? A lot of lonely Saturday nights and few friends. I even do this with my close friends I do have. I never want to step on toes. I never want to put someone in the very uncomfortable situation of saying "uh, i don't want to hang out with you." I'd rather not give them the opportunity.
I'm ready to throw my hands up in the air and call it quits. My parents just sold their house, some stuff happened with my brother, my students were complete brats today. I'm approaching solo-ing in student teacher and i still fear that my cooperating teacher doesn't like me that much. I'm done. It's 9pm and I'm going to bed.
I'm a 23 year old stuck in a 42 year old PTA mom mindset and I feel like I can't properly socialize with my peers, properly teach a class, properly have any relationships, and on and on and on.
someone tell me when this is over.
Comments:
Guess what? I have suspicions that I am not liked by several other teachers at my school. My mentor teacher and grade level partner doesn't like me... When I say something I find funny, I don't get laughs. I almost want to leave this school just so I can try to find more teachers I will get along with. But then again.... I bet I won't do it.
You won't feel like you're a good teacher until you've been teaching for at least 5 years. That is what I hear over and over again.
Here's what I think- most teachers and schools are very pro-"normal." If you are different, you'll feel like it. But... I think we can get through it.
Also, we could all be perfect teachers if only there were no kids to mess everything up. :o) My fifth graders last year were hoooooooorrible, but I survived. I know I'm not the best teacher in the world, but we need to remember that that veteran teacher you admire did not get that way overnight.
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You won't feel like you're a good teacher until you've been teaching for at least 5 years. That is what I hear over and over again.
Here's what I think- most teachers and schools are very pro-"normal." If you are different, you'll feel like it. But... I think we can get through it.
Also, we could all be perfect teachers if only there were no kids to mess everything up. :o) My fifth graders last year were hoooooooorrible, but I survived. I know I'm not the best teacher in the world, but we need to remember that that veteran teacher you admire did not get that way overnight.
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