Cement Girl

I am feeling incredibly useless and self-pitying today. I wish I had a life. Everybody else goes home for Christmas break and gets to see friends from home, and spend time catching up with peole. Too bad I don't have any of those.

Oh wait, I do have one thought for the night.

Joey Harrington should marry me.

okay. Glad i have that out now.

# posted by Meghan @ 9:41 PM 0 comments

I have so much swimming through my head right now, but i just can't seem to put it in to words.

"You're a hand me down
It's better when you're not around
It feels good and it feels like you should
but you could never make us proud"-Wallflowers

Lonely is the worst feeling in the world.

I think this whole anti-dating thing has gone way too far, and it's taken over my brain, thinking about it. It's not like I'm anti-dating, but I'm anti-everyone thinking that I should be dating. I think that maybe I'll take it into my own hands. I feel like i'm ready for it, but i know God's telling me no, yet no one wants to believe me when I say i just don't want to.

I think i'm scared of being rejected (it's happened my whole life, why would it change now?)
I think i'm scared of not being able to say no (not .. to .. THAT, but to stopping a relationship. I'm such a people pleaser)
I think i'm scared I'll lose my friends, and not spend the quality time with them that I should. I've watched it happen to too many people. I don't want to pick a temporary boy over life-long friendships, that's too high risk for me. I know how it feels to be left behind.

"Sleepless eyes open wide
Before heaven I stand again
If there's no winning this war tonight
( I was wondering )
If You could steady my spinning head"-Stavesacre