Saturday, September 20, 2003

 
We had a great chapel speaker on Thursday. He talked about something I have thought a LOT about in the past few years. He talked about prayer, and finding the heart of God. He said so many of us pray for things... and we cannot change the heart of the One who moves the world. Prayer changes things? no. Prayer changes us.

He likened it to this story he told: his son woke up one morning while Steven (the speaker) was not feeling well and was at home. His son was surprised, and as Steven sat there eating his cereal, his son came over and started stroking his right arm. He stroked it and then put his head against it, like a caress. Steven thought this was pretty nice, and then he son went over to the other side and did the same thing to his left arm. pretty soon his son had climbed up into his dad's lap... only to start eating his dad's cereal.

And it's just like we are. We praise, we worship, we adore. And then we ask. We don't praise and worship and adore because we want to, or because it's obvious that we just SHOULD. We do it so we can earn things. So we can crawl up on Dad's lap and say "I want a pony!!! Brown with white spots!"

He said a great quote that I wish i could remember. Something about seeking after God's heart instead of his Hand. wow.

that's all tonight.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

 
AndI'm learning this strange lesson of learning to live with, and like, people who I normally would not seek out.

Now I've done this in year's past, living on the hall. But I'm the PA this year, and that means I have to talk to everyone. If i was a normal student i wouldn't have to. But now i'm beginning to see why this is good for me.. and actually enjoy spending time with these people.

There is a girl on my hall who is super patriotic. She's very vocal about what she thinks, and doesn't really stop to think about how others are going to take it. Her favorite movie is Air Force One. She came by my door today and was playing a song loudly (though I couldn't hear it because i had music playing in my room) and said "This is the best song ever... Angry American by Toby Keith". She made a very big deal out of September 11th, and didn't attend our hall activity because of it. That's cool and everything- but she is really not like me at all. And i have to learn to deal with it- to like her, to be nice to her, to spend time with her.

Plus, you know, like every other year, everybody likes to play the Fish radio station in our bathroom. The only time, really, that this is okay is when they play Nichole Nordeman and Amy Grant. Other than that.. blahhh. But people have different tastes than I. I have super quiet girls, i have super loud girls. I have super preppy girls.. and super not-preppy girls. It's an interesting hall.

I'm so glad I have this opportunity. If i didn't live in this tiny dorm hall with 13 other girls... If I had always lived at home, and commuted- I'd have no new friends. and i'd stay in my box. I don't want to be in a box. It is so worthwhile to know people for who they are, instead of their interests.



in other news: our library had a book sale today. mostly books from the 50's.. but they had old records for sale! Among the hundred beethoven records I found a Roberta Flack record, and a collection of some jazz songs.

cost: 20 cents. And Natalie even gave me the twenty cents. Hip hip! Back to your day, now.

 
I don't know really what I'm going to write about. Random thoughts.

I'm beginning to understand how a lot of other people live their daily lives. I'm extremely busy. In high school and really the last two years of college I've spent a lot of my time on the internet. When i was 15 I was bored and found a community online that i wanted to be a part of.

Now, with being so busy, it's not so much. I'm trying to stay a little involved because the internet is where I found out about music, and i still want to be discovering that.

But for almost a week I decided to really stay away from the internet, and I did. And boy did i get some homework done. The last two years I've done well in school, and haven't worried too much. But the classes I'm taking now... man. I have to be on top of things- and I'm finding myself doing much more homework on 13 credits than I ever did on 16. Maybe it's that I actually care this year, that I care about turning in good assignments and getting the reading done. Or i care about my classes... or something.

Here's a sample of a normal day- yesterday.
Wednesdays are my only days with an 8am class. So i got up a little after 7am.
Had that class till 9:40
10am- one-on-one with courtney (my mini boss)
11am- Us History
noon- lunch
1pm- Hum310
2:30- back at dorm. Call about hall sweatshirts, find info on the corn maze. Somehow end up killing two and a half hours because the girls on my hall are socializing in my room. I don't really mind- it's just funny.
5pm- dinner
Go over to Natalie's after dinner to read some in a textbook that we share for a class
7pm- Open mic night, go to that for a while
8:15pm- back in my room to cram in some homework... but i end up cleaning my room and studying the lyrics to mates of state
9pm- party in courtney's apt for our boss whose wife is gone this week. hang out.
10pm- hall meeting.
10:45- go to a chapel/classroom with Tai to keep her company while she cleans. play piano.
11:45- back in room. Girls come in the room and decide to chat.
12:30- finally tell girls that I really do need to go to bed.
by 1am I'm in bed.
7:30- wake up and start all over.

yeeessh. That was a busy day. Today I met my best friend for breakfast, I've got chapel, a class, i HAVE to get some homework and reading done this afternoon, then i leave about 4:30 for a babysitting job that last till 11 or 11:30.

tomorrow I get some rest! yaayyyy!

tis crazy. but i like it. I like being busy. It'll definitely keep my grades up, that's for sure.

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

 
Got to see my family tonight. My mom, dad and aunt. That was very good- I was feeling really disconnected from everything that's been going on, so it was very nice to see people.

I freakin' love my family. My uncle (my aunt's husband) had a heart attack on Sunday morning. Last Wednesday my grandma had some major surgery done on her eyes... through all of this it's amazing to see my mom and aunts work together to just be there for each other. Arranging rides, traveling to Long Beach, making sure everything's okay. I am so so incredibly blessed to have a family like this. I know for a fact that if i EVER need anything- my family will be there to help me. There are not many people with families like this.. I am so grateful.

And exciting! we are planning on having the whole family together (my mom's side) to take pictures the day after Thanksgiving. My two aunts, their husbands, their kids, their grandkids- which makes my grandma's great-grandkids. My mom counted and she thinks there are 26 of us?

Morbid, I know, but we want to get a picture of the whole family before my grandma passes away. It's really not anytime soon that she'll be dying, probably, but we never know.. I'm so so excited for this. I love my family.

So i'm going to talk to a staff person here on campus and see if he could take the pictures of us, around the college campus. Which IS the best idea ever. Really- my grandparents went here, my mom and aunts went here.. my grandparents have a scholarship in their name... it just works. We have to start praying now for good weather.

Anyway- I'm stoked for this.

And Anyway- I love Mates of State.

 
I've become very aware lately of how much words (and hurtful laughter) can really hurt people.

mostly the laughter from other students about my church last night. Before they found out i went to that church.

most the conversations I hear people having... about their own friends.

In our striving to be Christ like -- do we forget about words? or are we just wanting to feed the hungry and clothe the poor?

I'm an absolute firm believer that the Church cannot successfully do ministry until we begin to edify each other. Where this is no trust and no honesty there is no ministry.

Along those other lines- the things said about my church were so hurful, i sat in my bed and cried last night. I feel odd and strange and a freak for wanting to attend my church. Yes, it's old fashioned. Yes, it's hickish. Yes, we have problems- but doesn't every church?

Someone was talking about getting a list together of area churches that kids could go to and HAVING to put churches from our association on the list. and someone said "aw man- we have to?" Like they aren't good churches? Not everyone wants to go to Imago Dei. They said the criteria was that they have a strong college group. What the? My church has no college group and I love it.

Personally- I'm living in a community where I'm surrounded by college students constantly- and I get sick of it. I see one mindset, one way of thinking, a generation of "me me me". And i hate it.

My retreat is to my church, where I really interact with no one my age (besides my friends). I love hanging out with my parents's friends, talking to my grandma's friends, teaching kids. The Church is so much more than twenty-somethings. No one should have to cater to you because you think you're the "it" generation, or that you're the generation that's going to bring around some great change. What change? You're just like the rest of us. You are no different. You worship the same God, you've been saved by the same blood. You act like you are the ones that discovered it, like the 70-year-old in the pew has not a idea of how these things work.

I'm just sick of the segregating. I'm sick of the laughter. I'm sick of people saying hurtful things. And maybe i said hurtful things in this... and I apologize. I'm having to watch myself constantly.

And i'm urging you guys to watch yourselves too. Not only in talking about your friends, but in talking about the people you don't know.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

 
i wrote this whole post about why today was weird. and it erased it.

These are new thoughts:

It's really odd for me to listen to people talk about their group of friends and talk rudely about them behind their back, and question their motives for actions.

why are you friends with these people if you cannot trust them, or you don't like being around them? if you have to analyze their every phone call you shouldn't be wasting your time.

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