Friday, February 24, 2006
I don't know what it is with me lately but it seems like i'll be in the midst of a really great moment and just want to cry. and not tears of joy.
I have begun to think that sometime around now I should finally get what I really want. and what a terrible mentality this is.
while people were talking tonight i realized how much we base our existence and being on experiences. It is obvious that what we experience shapes who we are, but i don't mean the normal every day experiences. people were talking about places they had been, places they were going and all it developed into was 'oh wow, that's cool.' or 'so awesome!'. hardly any explanations or concern or questions about what it was really like. i felt like the people were creating a self out of places they had been. i know i do the same thing, too, and it bothers me.
maybe we're a generation that just aches for something exciting. we all want to be so different and thrilling. we want others to acknowledge us, our ambitions, our plans, our absurdity. we want to belong, but we want individuality. we desire relationships, but those relationships are often coated in formal conversations with no meaning. we want to search outside of ourselves, outside of our culture for something of importance. perhaps this is all just me.
someone made the comment the other night that a girl on the olympics was pretty "except she's an american". thus began a small discussion about why being an american automatically turns someone into something horrible and wretched. september 11th gave us a new breed of patriotism, and a new counter culture of anti-patriotism. While I don't think we're the best on earth, I do love my country. Just like many people around the world have a love for their country, I have one for mine.
i understand that being unpatriotic is now the new cool, and i fully understand the sentiment behind it. what i will not go along with is the idea that every american thinks they're badass and superior. why? because i know a hundred people who don't think that way. just as every muslim is not a terroist, every american doesn't have a stick up their ass. don't assume things about people. The worst thing you can do is prejudge someone for their looks, their interests, their hobbies, and what country they're from. including your own.
on the way home tonight i stared out the window and after a while i became cognizant of the fact that i was trying to take in everything i could out of that little car window. the lights meshed together and everyone chattered away. i got the creeping feeling of loneliness. not sad loneliness, but the feeling that i am very much a lone, singular person is a very, very big world. in a few months i shall be set free. i will most likely flutter my wings for quite a while, and hopefully i will eventually gain stability. here's to having no idea where i'll end up.
I have begun to think that sometime around now I should finally get what I really want. and what a terrible mentality this is.
while people were talking tonight i realized how much we base our existence and being on experiences. It is obvious that what we experience shapes who we are, but i don't mean the normal every day experiences. people were talking about places they had been, places they were going and all it developed into was 'oh wow, that's cool.' or 'so awesome!'. hardly any explanations or concern or questions about what it was really like. i felt like the people were creating a self out of places they had been. i know i do the same thing, too, and it bothers me.
maybe we're a generation that just aches for something exciting. we all want to be so different and thrilling. we want others to acknowledge us, our ambitions, our plans, our absurdity. we want to belong, but we want individuality. we desire relationships, but those relationships are often coated in formal conversations with no meaning. we want to search outside of ourselves, outside of our culture for something of importance. perhaps this is all just me.
someone made the comment the other night that a girl on the olympics was pretty "except she's an american". thus began a small discussion about why being an american automatically turns someone into something horrible and wretched. september 11th gave us a new breed of patriotism, and a new counter culture of anti-patriotism. While I don't think we're the best on earth, I do love my country. Just like many people around the world have a love for their country, I have one for mine.
i understand that being unpatriotic is now the new cool, and i fully understand the sentiment behind it. what i will not go along with is the idea that every american thinks they're badass and superior. why? because i know a hundred people who don't think that way. just as every muslim is not a terroist, every american doesn't have a stick up their ass. don't assume things about people. The worst thing you can do is prejudge someone for their looks, their interests, their hobbies, and what country they're from. including your own.
on the way home tonight i stared out the window and after a while i became cognizant of the fact that i was trying to take in everything i could out of that little car window. the lights meshed together and everyone chattered away. i got the creeping feeling of loneliness. not sad loneliness, but the feeling that i am very much a lone, singular person is a very, very big world. in a few months i shall be set free. i will most likely flutter my wings for quite a while, and hopefully i will eventually gain stability. here's to having no idea where i'll end up.
