Saturday, May 03, 2003
With every passing day I am more and more aware that Christ is all there is. That is who I should be seeking. That is who I am living for. That is who makes me breathe the air every morning. And that is who i trust with my very being. He is my reason for living.
"And if I weep
let me weep as a man
who is longing for his home"
"And if I weep
let me weep as a man
who is longing for his home"
I wrote this on the vagrant board. This evening was SO nice after a long, non-stop day.
April and I went to see her tonight. I love this lady, simply for the honest, open music that she writes.
First off- it's at a church. We get there.. and i'll just admit that i was being judgmental and looking at all the little church ladies with their 15 year old daughters who have frosted hair, and they're all in their little gap outfits, dragging along their husbands in polo shirts.
But start that concert, i totally put that behind me. Andrew Peterson opened... funny funny guy- i loved his set, and i cry some. He was really good and i think i'm gonna get some of his stuff. He even poked good fun at the dove awards, which gives him an A+ in my book.
But then Nichole. Cute little Nichole who is 6 and a half months pregnant. Playing the piano with her little pregnant self.
Anyway- I am amazed at this woman. I cried through half the songs, and i completely identify with most of the stuff she sings. I have always been amazed at her truthfulness in songwriting, in her confusion and her frustration. Before almost every song she shared where the song came from, and it was wonderful. She shared about how Christians get comfortable in bubbles, and in our cute little churches, and in our Christian culture feeding us. She talked about how Christians should take better care of the environment. She's just a wonderful, humble speaker.
The way she ended the concert was the best. She told about a story she had read about Rich Mullins when he was ten. In short- Rich had played a song at church, and his piano teacher asked him how it went. "oh really good. Really good. They loved it, they thought I was great", he replied. And she responded: Then you failed. And proceeded to tell him that when you play in church, you should point to God, not to yourself (and lead people to look at/for God). That has stuck with Nichole, and she said she hoped we had been pointed there tonight.
She ended the evening with "I didn't write either of these songs but i really admire the songwriters for their honesty at this point in their lives, in the seeking"
And she did a WONDERFUL combination of "Still Haven't Found What I"m Looking For" with "Open the Eyes of My Heart Lord", ending with her leading us all in "O Come Let Us Adore Him", sneaking off stage during the last stanza.
Anyway- it was an amazing evening. It is really refreshing to have a CCM-type artist who sits down humbly at a piano and spells out their struggles, and honestly shares their view on things, and incorporates that into their music, while still pointing to God.
"I don't mind if you've got something nice
to say about me
And i enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
of all the who's whos and so and so's
that used to be the best
At such and such..it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright
to have your name in lights
We all need an 'atta boy' or 'atta girl'
But in the end i'd like to
hang my hat on more than
the temporary trappings of the world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I chose to love?
DId i point to You
Enough to make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
who blessed Your name
unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy"-Nichole
April and I went to see her tonight. I love this lady, simply for the honest, open music that she writes.
First off- it's at a church. We get there.. and i'll just admit that i was being judgmental and looking at all the little church ladies with their 15 year old daughters who have frosted hair, and they're all in their little gap outfits, dragging along their husbands in polo shirts.
But start that concert, i totally put that behind me. Andrew Peterson opened... funny funny guy- i loved his set, and i cry some. He was really good and i think i'm gonna get some of his stuff. He even poked good fun at the dove awards, which gives him an A+ in my book.
But then Nichole. Cute little Nichole who is 6 and a half months pregnant. Playing the piano with her little pregnant self.
Anyway- I am amazed at this woman. I cried through half the songs, and i completely identify with most of the stuff she sings. I have always been amazed at her truthfulness in songwriting, in her confusion and her frustration. Before almost every song she shared where the song came from, and it was wonderful. She shared about how Christians get comfortable in bubbles, and in our cute little churches, and in our Christian culture feeding us. She talked about how Christians should take better care of the environment. She's just a wonderful, humble speaker.
The way she ended the concert was the best. She told about a story she had read about Rich Mullins when he was ten. In short- Rich had played a song at church, and his piano teacher asked him how it went. "oh really good. Really good. They loved it, they thought I was great", he replied. And she responded: Then you failed. And proceeded to tell him that when you play in church, you should point to God, not to yourself (and lead people to look at/for God). That has stuck with Nichole, and she said she hoped we had been pointed there tonight.
She ended the evening with "I didn't write either of these songs but i really admire the songwriters for their honesty at this point in their lives, in the seeking"
And she did a WONDERFUL combination of "Still Haven't Found What I"m Looking For" with "Open the Eyes of My Heart Lord", ending with her leading us all in "O Come Let Us Adore Him", sneaking off stage during the last stanza.
Anyway- it was an amazing evening. It is really refreshing to have a CCM-type artist who sits down humbly at a piano and spells out their struggles, and honestly shares their view on things, and incorporates that into their music, while still pointing to God.
"I don't mind if you've got something nice
to say about me
And i enjoy an accolade like the rest
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
of all the who's whos and so and so's
that used to be the best
At such and such..it wouldn't matter much
I won't lie, it feels alright
to have your name in lights
We all need an 'atta boy' or 'atta girl'
But in the end i'd like to
hang my hat on more than
the temporary trappings of the world
I want to leave a legacy
How will they remember me?
Did I chose to love?
DId i point to You
Enough to make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
who blessed Your name
unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy"-Nichole
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
what the heck does gank mean? really. it sounds like yank, but.. really. it's just weird. thanks ole baber.
because I am bored
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | creepy crawlies on my face
02 | firearms
03 | being alone
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | Natalie
02 | Tai
03 | My mama
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | milk
02 | my car
03 | sleep
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | saying "bless you" after sneezing. There is absolutely no point, whatsoever. Stop continuing that stupid tradition.
02 | people who are in college but act like they are just too cool for classes. High school is over, people.
03 | people who don't make eye contact when you pass them, therefore you smile at them, but of course they don't smile back because they are too good for that.
-----------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | how ole baber can't enjoy professional sports
02 | why people get so worked up over things
03 | people who just don't care (there's just a happy medium between the two, okay people?)
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | my nice fatty headphones that i adore
02 | a picture of April and I after messy games- August 2001
03 | the party people ep "my my"
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | filling out this stupid survey
02 | contemplating what to wear to practicum tomorrow
03 | listening to the sound of my computer hum and people talking outside
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | witness to more people
02 | create something
03 | laugh... and laugh and laugh.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | not whistle
02 | not wink
03 | not wiggle my ears
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | uptight
02 | (how is hott a personality trait, tyler?) goofy
03 | sarastic
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | the three i mentioned above
02 | drive a stick
03 | spell conosseieurr
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | a good female minister (oh my word Tyler! wonderful!)
02 | Copeland- Beneath the Medicine Tree
03 | Me tell you how you should be involved in a church
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | Avril Lavigne
02 | your next door neighbor
03 | your elbow. Really. if it's talking to you, shut it up and go see a doctor.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | Get a life!
02 | Bite me! (the last two i just adopted tonight.)
03 | ummm (while trying to tell a story and staring off into space trying to think of the story again)
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | saltines
02 | malt-o-meal
03 | pb&j: creamy pb. strawberry jam, sourdough bread. knock me over- i'm in heaven.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | skim milk
02 | water
03 | skim milk
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | animaniacs
02 | hawaii five-o
03 | matlock
------------------------------------------------------------
RANDOM QUESTIONS..
1. Spell your name backwards: ttocs nahgem
2. How did you get your xanga name? Switchfoot's "Concrete Girl" butchered by some kids i babysat.
3. Are you homosexual? No.
------------------------------------------------------------
DESCRIBE YOUR..
[x] Wallet – bought it when i was 16, it's roxy and plaid. plaid is where it's at.
[x] Hairbrush – it's black
[x] Toothbrush – orange. I have an obsessive thing about buying orange toothbrushes
[x] Jewelry worn daily – silver loopy bracelet, blue braided fuzzy bracelet, roxy watch, "faith" ring, 6 earrings, cross necklace
[x] Pillow cover – white with blue stars
[x] Blanket – blue gingham
[x] Underwear – oh nuh uh
[x] Favorite shirt – it changes
[x] Cologne/Perfume – nope
[x] CD in stereo right now – i think cool hand luke- wake up, o sleeper
[x] Tattoos - none
[x] Piercings – five earrings in my left ear, one in my right.
[x] What you are wearing now – jeans, t-shirt, shoes
[x] In my mouth – nothing. but i just ate some goldfish crackers
[x] In my head – I need to go to bed
[x] Wishing – I didnt' have to go to practicum tomorrow.
[x] Fetishes – ew. i don't know.
[x] If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason? – nobody
[x] Person you wish you could see right now – anyone
[x] Is next to you – Tyler said bass guitar, and that's the same for me.
[x] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month – being out of school. Spending two weeks babysitting my niece.
[x] The last thing you ate – golfish crackers
[x] Do you like candles – no.
[x] Do you like incense – nope.
[x] Do you like the taste of blood – not really. I will suck on a cut if it needs it, but it's not the greatest thing in the world.
[x] Do you believe in love – yep.
[x] Do you believe in soul mates – i'm not quite sure.
[x] Do you believe in love at first sight - no
[x] Do you believe in Heaven – yep
[x] Do you believe in God - yes
[x] What do you want done with your body when you die – i haven't decided
[x] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be – an airedale
[x] What is the latest you've ever stayed up – like 5am probably
[x] Can you eat with chopsticks – yes, but i suck at it
[x] What's your favorite coin – quarter- you can do the most things with it.
[x] What are some of your favorite candies – sour patch kids. anything sour.
[x] What's something that you wish people would understand – that people have different opinions, and they're just that: opinions. Especially regarding music.
[x] What's something you wish you could understand better – Other peoples' beliefs
[x] Who is someone that you really wish was still around – I'd also have to say my grandpa. I never got to meet him, and i hear that he was just wonderful. I was his only granddaughter and he never got to meet me.
Wasn't that thrilling children?
because I am bored
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | creepy crawlies on my face
02 | firearms
03 | being alone
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | Natalie
02 | Tai
03 | My mama
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | milk
02 | my car
03 | sleep
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | saying "bless you" after sneezing. There is absolutely no point, whatsoever. Stop continuing that stupid tradition.
02 | people who are in college but act like they are just too cool for classes. High school is over, people.
03 | people who don't make eye contact when you pass them, therefore you smile at them, but of course they don't smile back because they are too good for that.
-----------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | how ole baber can't enjoy professional sports
02 | why people get so worked up over things
03 | people who just don't care (there's just a happy medium between the two, okay people?)
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | my nice fatty headphones that i adore
02 | a picture of April and I after messy games- August 2001
03 | the party people ep "my my"
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | filling out this stupid survey
02 | contemplating what to wear to practicum tomorrow
03 | listening to the sound of my computer hum and people talking outside
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | witness to more people
02 | create something
03 | laugh... and laugh and laugh.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | not whistle
02 | not wink
03 | not wiggle my ears
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | uptight
02 | (how is hott a personality trait, tyler?) goofy
03 | sarastic
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | the three i mentioned above
02 | drive a stick
03 | spell conosseieurr
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | a good female minister (oh my word Tyler! wonderful!)
02 | Copeland- Beneath the Medicine Tree
03 | Me tell you how you should be involved in a church
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | Avril Lavigne
02 | your next door neighbor
03 | your elbow. Really. if it's talking to you, shut it up and go see a doctor.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | Get a life!
02 | Bite me! (the last two i just adopted tonight.)
03 | ummm (while trying to tell a story and staring off into space trying to think of the story again)
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | saltines
02 | malt-o-meal
03 | pb&j: creamy pb. strawberry jam, sourdough bread. knock me over- i'm in heaven.
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | skim milk
02 | water
03 | skim milk
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | animaniacs
02 | hawaii five-o
03 | matlock
------------------------------------------------------------
RANDOM QUESTIONS..
1. Spell your name backwards: ttocs nahgem
2. How did you get your xanga name? Switchfoot's "Concrete Girl" butchered by some kids i babysat.
3. Are you homosexual? No.
------------------------------------------------------------
DESCRIBE YOUR..
[x] Wallet – bought it when i was 16, it's roxy and plaid. plaid is where it's at.
[x] Hairbrush – it's black
[x] Toothbrush – orange. I have an obsessive thing about buying orange toothbrushes
[x] Jewelry worn daily – silver loopy bracelet, blue braided fuzzy bracelet, roxy watch, "faith" ring, 6 earrings, cross necklace
[x] Pillow cover – white with blue stars
[x] Blanket – blue gingham
[x] Underwear – oh nuh uh
[x] Favorite shirt – it changes
[x] Cologne/Perfume – nope
[x] CD in stereo right now – i think cool hand luke- wake up, o sleeper
[x] Tattoos - none
[x] Piercings – five earrings in my left ear, one in my right.
[x] What you are wearing now – jeans, t-shirt, shoes
[x] In my mouth – nothing. but i just ate some goldfish crackers
[x] In my head – I need to go to bed
[x] Wishing – I didnt' have to go to practicum tomorrow.
[x] Fetishes – ew. i don't know.
[x] If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason? – nobody
[x] Person you wish you could see right now – anyone
[x] Is next to you – Tyler said bass guitar, and that's the same for me.
[x] Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming month – being out of school. Spending two weeks babysitting my niece.
[x] The last thing you ate – golfish crackers
[x] Do you like candles – no.
[x] Do you like incense – nope.
[x] Do you like the taste of blood – not really. I will suck on a cut if it needs it, but it's not the greatest thing in the world.
[x] Do you believe in love – yep.
[x] Do you believe in soul mates – i'm not quite sure.
[x] Do you believe in love at first sight - no
[x] Do you believe in Heaven – yep
[x] Do you believe in God - yes
[x] What do you want done with your body when you die – i haven't decided
[x] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be – an airedale
[x] What is the latest you've ever stayed up – like 5am probably
[x] Can you eat with chopsticks – yes, but i suck at it
[x] What's your favorite coin – quarter- you can do the most things with it.
[x] What are some of your favorite candies – sour patch kids. anything sour.
[x] What's something that you wish people would understand – that people have different opinions, and they're just that: opinions. Especially regarding music.
[x] What's something you wish you could understand better – Other peoples' beliefs
[x] Who is someone that you really wish was still around – I'd also have to say my grandpa. I never got to meet him, and i hear that he was just wonderful. I was his only granddaughter and he never got to meet me.
Wasn't that thrilling children?
Today in spiritual formation class we got in small groups and discussed some things about our spiritual growth. The last question was how can you see God's grace in your life.
And i just shared that... well to begin with- I'm a very end oriented person. I don't like discussions (debates) unless there is some sort of end and agreement at the end. I hate things to be left up in the air. I have a lot of questions, and when I'm ask them, i want answers. I do that on message boards a lot- ask questions, and if I don't get an answer, i keep asking "why?" or "why not?".
So i said that how i was seeing God's grace in my life recently was just in how He's letting me let go. I shared at our class party last Thursday that this semester has just been a lot of me just asking questions, going over things in my mind, figuring out why I believe certain things. And I think God's allowing me to ask questions, and just let those be voiced. Sure, I want answers, but somehow, recently i've been okay with just asking, and pondering. That's really weird to me, but somehow it's happening.
It bothers me so much when someone asks me a situational question about faith and what i believe. It makes me want to just lay down and cry because I don't have answer. I don't know how to confront a friend about something. I don't know what to say to someone who doesn't believe. I don't know how to ever get my point across, and sometimes i just want to lay down and cry. Cry to God and say "please please fix this."
And i just shared that... well to begin with- I'm a very end oriented person. I don't like discussions (debates) unless there is some sort of end and agreement at the end. I hate things to be left up in the air. I have a lot of questions, and when I'm ask them, i want answers. I do that on message boards a lot- ask questions, and if I don't get an answer, i keep asking "why?" or "why not?".
So i said that how i was seeing God's grace in my life recently was just in how He's letting me let go. I shared at our class party last Thursday that this semester has just been a lot of me just asking questions, going over things in my mind, figuring out why I believe certain things. And I think God's allowing me to ask questions, and just let those be voiced. Sure, I want answers, but somehow, recently i've been okay with just asking, and pondering. That's really weird to me, but somehow it's happening.
It bothers me so much when someone asks me a situational question about faith and what i believe. It makes me want to just lay down and cry because I don't have answer. I don't know how to confront a friend about something. I don't know what to say to someone who doesn't believe. I don't know how to ever get my point across, and sometimes i just want to lay down and cry. Cry to God and say "please please fix this."
