Cement Girl

oh yeah. and another note.

I got this new cd, Copeland-Beneath the Medicine Tree.

Oye veh. My roomate will attest to the fact that i cannot stop listening to it. I've listened to it all week, almost the only cd i've listened to, and then i took it with me in the car on the way to my nanny job today, and listened to it straight through twice. I can't get enough of it. it's not even close to boring yet, and i just keep singing the songs in my head... go buy it.

I flipped someone off yesterday. That felt good. I've never flipped off anyone before. I don't know what i'm becoming.

I was posting somewhere online, saying all the things i want to do this summer:
-start oil painting
-read lots
-take bass lessons
-make music
-read my bible
-visit everyone so often
-run

there will probably be more things. Anyway- this came of a conversation with a girl about how we have to live, and not wait around for the next big thing to happen (ie a guy and a family).

so yeah. live live live. and live some more. and now i'm going to see if i can get a picture to work.

okay, so i don't know how to post pictures on this, itself, but i'm going to give a link for my switchfoot concert pictures... so go here.

now i have to find out how to really post pictures.

how do you post pictures on this thing?

dear cute boy,
please do not wink at me.
do not. do not. do not.
-me-

it is 11pm. i have a take home test to finish tonight. and possibly some other homework. gr. i will be up late. i hate being up late. i usually go to bed between 11:30 and 12:30. Last night i was up until 1:15 cause April came in my room after the concert, and we talked, and i just didn't want to go to bed, and it was just nice to talk to her, but man, i'm feeling it today. I yawned ALL day. There were times i couldn't keep my eyes open: talking to my practicum teacher, watching 'death of a salesman' in intro to lit. aaahh. sleeeep. I yawned all through church tonight. I want sleeeeep. perhaps tomorrow night.

at least when i get these assignments done, it will be the last for the week. except for all the homework i have to do this weekend, but that's beside the point.

ooookay. so last night was this Switchfoot/Denison Marrs/Noise Ratchet concert that i had been looking forward to since I heard that Denison Marrs was touring with SF in December. Really. I heard about it over Christmas break (maybe it was early january) and have been counting down all these days.

Like the freak I am, I made Natalie and her sister all leave early with me, and we got there a little after five o'clock. natalie's mom had actually made a sack dinner, so we had peanut butter and honey sandwiches, gushers, vegetables (mostly only natalie ate those), and... some other stuff. we camped out in front of the theater. nice. it was quiet funny, i kept laughing at the thought of us doing it.

Doors were supposed to open at six, but instead opened at 6:40. The concert was supposed to start at 7, but didn't start till 7:30. While we were standing there, waiting for it to start, i started to get antsy cause I hadn't seen any of the Denison Marrs guys, didn't see any of their merchandise, etc. I had seen Switchfoot, and Noise Ratchet.... so i started to get scared. And then of course some other band called Acceptance came out and said that Denison Marrs couldn't make it, so they would play. They definitely weren't bad, I kinda liked them, but i really looking forward to seeing Denison Marrs.

So i asked Roger from Noise Ratchet why DM wasn't there, and he said "oh they just left.. they wanted to go home... their drummer quit." Nice.

So now i feel really dumb that i wrote them this fan letter, an encouraging letter, telling them i couldn't wait for april 1st, when they would come to portland, and then they didn't even come. Bah. BAH HUMBUG.

Okay done. The Switchfoot part WAS great. I love their shows. They just want to have fun. I'm so stupid and groupie-like that i got a broken drum stick and Chad's set list. Talked to Jon a little bit afterwards. I wanted pictures with SF and DM for my PA "on duty" signs for next year, but SF was all scattered about, so i just got a picture with jon while he rambled on and on about mergers, and i looked at him all confused. Talked to chad a little. Saw Angee!! She's cute. She's my fellow obsessed fan. Sophie wasn't there, which was pretty sad.

Umm. that's about it. I have SO much homework that i should be doing now. I have a test today at four, that i should be writing notes for, or studying for, but... i've kinda just gone "who cares?" right now. I mean, i have studied for all the other tests, and worked my butt off in this class. Maybe i'll just review the ends of the chapters after i eat lunch.

I'm really really hungry. I went to bed hungry last night, then woke up and was still hungry. Went to practicum, and now i'm sitting here, waiting for natalie to get out of choir, with my stomach hurting. mmmm foooooood. me wants fooooood.

Carroll- if you read this before i talk to you- obviously i couldn't get you a DM pin CAUSE THEY WEREN'T THERE!!! and SF didn't have pins either. Sorry!!!

It feels like summer again today
I'm listening to new music i've discovered
i'm wasting time on the internet
there's a breeze coming through my window
and i'm not sure how i feel about anything
right now

I think that spring break was orginally intended to give people a break off of school, to rest and relax. Didn't they know that when you get used to a week of that, you go back to school and don't want to do anything at all? Really, c'mon now. Don't do this to me. I still have six weeks of school left, and i really don't feel like completing any of it. I think this must be some unusual nasty cruel treatment.

I got the new Brandtson cd a few weeks ago, but fell in love with it Thursday while i drove over to my nanny job. The fifth track is wonderful. So i must quote it. Cause i feel like this lately:

"There's just too much to live for
to sit around this room, bored
wanting more, waiting for
something to knock on my door
here's to new beginnings
here's to something more
here's to you and your dreams
and everything you've worked
so hard for
here's to all the places
we've never been before
here's to summer tours
and hardwood floors
to you and your's"

Within the last few months I just feel so convicted that I'm living my life coldly. I've been waiting for something else to happen. Something to move me, and make me act. I've been waiting for that thing that i think will make me happy. I've got today now, and i'm sitting on my rear waiting for someone else to feed me information, to feed me a reason to get up off of it.

It is weird when you live in a community constantly. You are surrounded by people all the time. If there are not people directly around you, talking to you, there's probably someone down the hall laughing, talking. Or outside yelling to one another as they pass your window. And even if all is quiet on campus, you are always reminded that there are other people around. When you walk down the hallway to the bathroom and everyone has pictures plastered do their doors. The fact of actually sharing a bathroom.

So it's definitely odd when you spend a week by yourself, depending on yourself, not being surrounded by peers. Then you walk back on campus. I feel so different from when I walked off last Friday, when Spring Break started. So much happened this week. I went to two concerts, my niece was born. I spent a lot of time with my mom. I did things on my own. I did things because I wanted to. I wasn't interrupted when I wanted to be alone.

And so now i find it a little hard to talk to people. Becoming independent usually gets inerrupted by some act of involvement with other people. I have had so many people ask me "how's the aunt?" or "how does it feel to be an aunt?" today that i think i want to crawl up in bed and never hear it again. I don't know how it feels to be an aunt. I've held her a total of two times. I have done no aunt-type thing so far. And they're going to move away in three weeks.

Anyway- so i got really independent over spring break. Except for begging Tai to go with me to the map/kat jones concert. That was pretty dependent of me. So i don't know how it feels to be back on campus. It just seems like when i step back onto this campus again, i'm "just" Meghan, someone people don't see much of, or care much to see.

When you're out in the real world that doesn't so much seem to matter.