Cement Girl

Luis asked me Wednesday night ¨¿Te gusta Mexico?¨ and I answered ¨¡Si!¨

He asked, then, why didn´t I live here for always. And I didn´t have an answer.

The lady at little tiny store by the church told me I was beautiful Wednesday night.

This morning she asked if were on vacation, and Stephanie told her yes, and that we graduated from school. Luvia told her we were teachers, and she said ¨¿cierto?¨. Stephanie said sometimes. I said we didn´t have anything more to do after graduation, so why not come to Mexico?

¨¿Te gusta Mexico?¨ she asked.

I nodded.

Yesterday I sat in the upstairs room, covering a pinata with tissue paper, listening to Bob Dylan, and letting my mind wander. The free assocation went like this:

Bob Dylan-The 60s-Johnny Cash-Vietnam War-Watergate-Mom´s 8mm film of DC-Mom and Dad-Mexico-Korea-summer-tattoos-older brother-Oregon-nieces-skype-new macbook-lots of money-adulthood-growing up-my childhood... and so forth.

And then I started to cry.

standing on the edge of me i´m standing on the edge of me. standing on the edge of me, standing on the edge. standing on the edge of everything i´ve never been before and now i´m standing on the edge of me, standing on the edge... i´m on fire.

Another confirmed case.

I don´t know that I can take any more life changes right now, thank you very much. I don´t believe I could emotionally handle it.

Packing up and moving is hard when you don´t really have a certain place to move to. I moved out of Tabor House, and it was a big mess, and very frustrating. Where in years past I have moved out of campus housing and into my parents´ house, I couldn´t do that this time. I had to decide, while packing, what stuff goes into some kind of permanent storage, what stuff I want later on this summer, and what things I would take to Mexico.

So I tried to pack storage stuff first, and did fairly well. Then I packed summer stuff and I was proud of myself. And then I began to pack everything else and take it when me to Mexico, except I have ended up in Mexico with things that I have no use for in Mexico. This includes my big map of Portland, pantyhose I never use, my rain jacket, and, the funniest thing, my diploma, honor cord, and tassel from graduation. Someone will ask ¨why did you bring those to Mexico?¨ Why? Because everything else was packed up and I needed to put it somewhere... so I brought it with me to Mexico.

And in my rush to pack in about 2 days I left some things behind for my poor roommates to stare and and wonder what to do with, and try to ignore. This includes my accordion and accordion music, a winter coat, some crap downstairs, my coat in the closet, posters, furniture I didn´t know what to do with, and furniture I didn´t sell.

boo. things I have to deal with when I get back.

I heard this recently, but I´m not sure where. I dno´t know if it was some short quip on tv, something I erad in a boko, or something a roommate said, but it´s been swimming around in my brain for a little while now.

No matter where you are, where you live, who you´re with, you will always miss someone or something.

I suppose I better start getting used to it, huh?