Cement Girl

About the conversation with my mom last night.. this is how some of it went:

Her: So are you still talking to your boyfriends (she meant online)?
Me: I dont' have any boyfriends! I talk to Nick once in a while. He has a girlfriend mom, you know that.
Her: I know, I know. Do you still talk to Seth?
Me: Um... well no, not really... it's this whole confusing situation.
Her: So tell me about it.
(and i did.. and after that...)
Me: It just hurt, cause he went after carole. Like a week after
Her: well you did tell him to get lost, what do you expect?
Me: Well it was her! That's what I cared about. He had told me all these things about how he could never, and never Carole, and all this stuff..
Her: Yeah..
Me: and it just seemed like he was lying that whole time.. or SOMETHING.
Her: well I guess when you're dating, they will say things they don't mean..
Me: Yeah, I've figured that out.

Anyway. So i'm glad i talked to my mom about it. She has a wonderful way of simplifying things, and making it not seem so much like a stinkin' big deal.

There is nothing exciting happening here. I'm reading the Poisonwood Bible (Have a mentioned that already?), and i'm really getting into it. The first part was so-so and i was kinda bored, going "Is this going to be the whole book? Their year in the Congo?" but then it gets interesting. I think a few of you guys would like it.

I got tips today! Yay! Cash! I rely on us splitting the tips for my spending money here at the beach. I don't use the atm's, cause that'd cost me a lot, so i just rely on my tips. I got this wad of cash, and i don't have anything to spend it on...

But i think I do want this Thelonious Monk/John Coltrane cd.. but i have to buy it online. Have I told you guys that there is not a single cd store on the WHOLE peninsula??? gee whiz. I think i've found my calling. BRING MUSIC TO THE PEOPLE!!

It's a Carolines evening.

"To fit in your scene
You'd give anything
and i go to china
lalalallaalala
and i go to russia
yayayayyaya
and i go around the world
and i go to..
whoo!"-carolines.

I had a nice talk with my mom on the phone today. I kinda summed up the whole seth-carole-meghan deal. It was nice to tell her what was going on.

I really love this cd. Did you guys know that? this band called Ester Drang.. they make beautiful music. Not really rock music, more mellow and laid back. But i'll tell you.. it's gorgeous.

there aren't a major amount of things that annoy me.

You know what does, though?

Shows playing in portland that you really want to see, 4 days before you go back. boo and hiss.

This is the question of the day. How do you share Christ to a world who knows about Him, but doesn't know Him?

This is who I'll be missing:

"Do you remember
When i was younger
What you used to say
'If you raise them up,
Raise them up in me,
they will not turn away...
Could it be I've been the one
Who almost went astray?
...
I'm not the grateful bastard son
I'm the rich and spoiled one"-238

"Who needs church when you have a Stavesacre concert... " I said.

"What?" She laughed like I was joking.

"I'm serious" I said.

When you've got a concert like Stavesacre's, with "keep waiting", "Minuteman" and "Gold and Silver", who really needs a regular church service? That was my church service. Right there. i almost started crying.

I havent' been a church regular this summer (you probably already know that). I've been to church twice since the middle of may. I don't like my cousin's presbyterian church.. i went once. And i went to church once at home a couple of weeks ago.

But it's kinda nice. Cause you get your own chance to find God in stuff. Like stavesacre. And your 2-year-old and 5-year-old cousins' smiles. And in nice people. And in people who comment on your Switchfoot stickers. And in a beautiful day. And in when you actually sit down and read your Bible. And in all the blessings.

"I wanna be ready
Just like the minuteman"-Stavesacre

PEOPLE PEOPLE!!! i just realized on my boring tuesday night alone, that MY COMMENT THING WORKS!!!

see... see?? that "shout out" thing!?!? you can leave me comments.

Oh this thrills me greatly because i tried to get it to work the other day, and it wasn't working, and now it's working! yee haw. Also, i put some other links up to the LEFT.

Kinda annoying when there are tons of people on your messenger list, but none of them you really want to talk to.

Or when you want an e-mail from some certain people. And you don't get it.

It's so weird to think that a month ago i was so caught up in him... I was making plans. I ended it.

And i'm back to square one. Thaaaaaaaat's right folks. It's me by myself again. While he has a girl. A girl that came after him as soon as I said no, and he responded quick enough. A girl that calls him Seth pie, she probably uses the 'L' word, and they talk about philosophy. He wonders why i thought so badly about her, and it's because he talked so badly about her behind her back, to me. But don't worry! A month later he'll be hooking up with her. People were right. You should always listen to the people. The masses said "you aren't right for each other". and they were right.

For Pete's sake. She met Joel online. She moved in with him because of finances and family problems. She moved to his hometown! And now she likes Seth, and she's probably going to move to Iowa City. Geez.

When you're at work, and it's slow, your mind just starts working and won't stop.

I thought about popularity today. And i realized what a fake thing it is. I know, I know. I already knew that. But I actually had an EXAMPLE!!!! weee.

Back in October I went to see Starflyer59 and Pedro the Lion with my brother, and Kellen. Yeah, I liked Kellen then, and it was this huge deal to be there with him (to me). When we were leaving someone said "Meghan!" and it turned out to be someone I talked to a little online because of our mutual love for Dear Ephesus. As I was talking to him, Rachel (a girl I have known through middle school and high school) came up to say hi, and started chatting with me. Between Aaron, Rachel, and my brother and Kellen waiting for me, I felt pretty wanted. I felt like i had all this attention.

But really? It was all fake. I mean, sure, i talked to them for a few minutes and all that. But really? I want some real friends. People to talk to about more than chit-chat things. People who will hang out in your dorm room for hours with no agenda. THOSE are the people. That was my *one* popular moment. And i'd trade it for friends any day.

"When you surround yourself
With lunatics
and crack addicts.
When you find yourself
falling down
On the inside..."--238

Two days in a row! Someone has said something to me about the stickers on my car. Random people. Yesterday it was this cute skateboarder, and today two girls who were going next door. Hmm.

Someone said something to me about trying too hard to fit in to a subculture I don't belong to. This is the explanation I never gave her. If i wanted to try and be all indie, or emo or whatever, i would try harder. I would dress differently. I would ditch my love for Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith and even Switchfoot for that matter, cause they're sure as heck not emo or indie.That just frustrated me to no end. i'm not trying to fit in with these people. I happen to like a type of music. I don't really know anyone that likes the same music as I do, or is interested in the same shows. Yeesh. I didn't fit in in high school, and I don't expect to fit in with some certain group of people.

Hmm. i don't have anything else to say right now. Except that I'm bored out of my mind, but i have 4 weeks left here.

Oxford? or no Oxford? hmmm that's the question tonight.

"What is man that You
Have found the time
To set Your mind on him"--dear Ephesus (and it's in the Bible)