Cement Girl

I"m avoiding doing my financial aid papers. Yuck. But pretty soon I actually have to look at them. I should mail them tomorrow.

On another note. There's this very good looking boy that comes into the deli. And today i acted like a totally idiot, when i gave him his order. nerrr.

I just bought this cool hand luke cd, and it's so great.The lyrics are wonderful.

"Sometimes i choose to forget about you
Sometimes I choose to ignore the truth
How sweet the name
How sweet the face
That i long to touch with dirty hands
I'm seeing sideways
Beacuse i've fallen down again
And it's so hard to find my way"-CHL

there's that old question "Does money buy happiness?" or you could ask "happiness or money? which do you want"

Money doesn't buy happiness, and i'd take happiness over money anyday.

Cause i'm making a lot of money this summer, but the loneliness sure stinks.

ahhhhhhhhh

I just want someone to talk to

and i want someone to hang out with

and i want something to do!!!

This is something I've been struggling with. Thinking about a lot. How do I let Christ shine through me. Do i ever let Him? I guess I am a true believer in letting your actions and words be a witness but is that ever enough? While I go back to a Christian school, where do I witness? I know for a fact I don't put God's desires in front of my own, so how do i turn that around?

When you've been a Christian for as long as you can remember, you have to ask yourself "how am I different from these people? In my beliefs? Or am I different so that they can notice?"

It's a difficult thing.

Let it be known that i cannot wait to get back to school so i can dye my hair.

Also. I just had peanut butter and jelly ice cream :) yum

Soooooooo. my mom found my old blog. And she wrote in my guestbook at my website that she loves me, and reading it made her sad, and my life is just beginning. I cried. Thanks mom.

Today at work we stumbed upon this question "do cows have belly buttons?"

So we called my dad, O wise Bovine man. This is how the conversation went:

Dad:Hello?
Me: hi dad!
Dad: Hi.
Me: we were all just sitting here wondering if cows have belly buttons
Dad: yeah, they do. But not inverted ones.
Me: oh. So they have umbilical cords?
Dad: Yeah...
Me: okay. So on a female cow, where would her belly button be?
Dad: between the the udders and the front legs. You know how we used to soak the cord in iodine?
Me: Huh? (he forgets that I'm too young to remember anything from when we lived on the farm).
Dad: We cut the cord, but left it somewhat long, and then you soak it in iodine.
Me: Then it just falls off?
Dad: Yeah.. eventually it dries up and falls off..

What a wonderful conversation. I tell ya. :)

About my time yesterday, away. my little one-day vacation. It was fun. :) k-19 was boring. I didn't find any henna, but i did find some stuff for Jaime. I got my pictures developed. Luckily- they were on sale. I really don't know WHY, because I don't have panoramic film, but I got one panoramic picture.. hmm. I'm not complaining though, it's very cool, a shot of Squad Five-O, with this huge light coming off the stage. Even though you can't see any band members, really, it's a cool shot. It's the only good one.

Nothing else is happening.
21 days left.

"She's heard about happiness
She's heard about Jesus
She's starving for the beautiful things
That people seem to believe in.."-Brandtson

I usually work 7 days a week at the deli. Usually 6-10 hours a day. But today because of some mishaps and stuff, my cousin decided not to open, so therefore I have the day off.

*Plan:
Drive to Astoria (30 minutes away, in OREGON!!!) and do one hour film developing on the rest of my cornerstone pictures. Buy some stuff at Fred Meyer

Try to find the place that might sell henna

See K-19: The Widowmaker. Because I've got to have something to do while I wait for my film. And i've already seen Road to perdition, and nothing else interesting is playing.

*I am becoming more of aware of itching fingers. When our family took a 4 week vacation in 7th grade, I missed playing the piano. I got itching fingers. And I have it again. Yesterday at work "Small Enough" by Nichole Nordeman kept running through my brain, and it's a song I know on the piano, something i can actually play. I miss playing my bass too. I haven't picked it up in over a month. probably 2 months now.

*Vanity won out this time. Instead of buying the Monk/Coltrane cd that i really want, I bought this shirt on a whim at American Eagle. It was so cute and I had a coupon, I just couldn't resist the plaidness. stupid.

*Since i'm not working today () I get to wear my hair down. Which... i like. So. I am happy today. I should put on all my jewelry too. Just for the heck of it.

*There is a new Switchfoot cd coming out in September

*Writing real letters to friends get overlooked too much. I sat down and wrote a two page letter to my friend Jaime last night. My hand hurt afterwards, but there is something about your own handwriting, messups and upturned lines on non-lined paper that is personal, and meaningful. Much more than an e-mail.

*I wasn't aware of how culturally deprived I am here. I should've known by now, because I went to Cornerstone, and then came back HERE.. but.. i saw it yesterday. First, this guy about 18 or 19 walked by. Black. baseball cap worn high, and crooked, over a bandana. The big chain necklace. The baggy clothes. Somehow- For some reason- I got happy at this. Because.. it was some sort of sense of culture. Something different than I see everyday here, something I took for granted in Portland. I was really happy to see that guy. Then my cousin pointed out these two kids last night. my cousin is obsessed with the whole "emo" idea now, trying to figure out what it's all about. He pointed out these kids and said "is that it? Is that it??" and I said yes. The dark, rolled up jeans, the hair, the clothes. He got really excited. And i was excited too. cause i dont' see that up here either. The girl was taking pictures of stuff right and left. These two instances left me somewhat satisfied yesterday. I was happy to see different kinds of people.

*Music is getting me through this summer.

I am itching to play the piano again.

Ok. so i didn't buy the monk/coltrane cd. why? because i'm a stupid girl, and i bought a shirt on AmericanEagle instead. IT"S SO CUTE THOUGH. i had to. I'm a sucker for plaid shirts, and this one's the old western style with the line pockets, and pearl buttons. Eeee I hope it fits when i get it. So i just blew that money. 15% off, but it was still expensive with the shipping. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh i hope it fits. Cause if not.. i'm gonna be mad.

Can I start a countdown? I wanna start a countdown.

22 days left (counting today)

"But then You came with your light
Brilliant lightning
Gorgeous one
You gave me love like I've never known
You gave me life
You gave me hope..
I wanna live for something...
I don't really wanna die here anymore
I wanna live for something
So we'll wait and see what life has.."-Denison marrs