Friday, September 30, 2005
It's officially fall. You want to know how I can make that sort of pronouncement? Because last night I was driving to a job and drove down one of those two-laned winding roads, surrounded by trees turning color. Not only were they turning colors but there were leaves strewn across the road, very sparsely, and I sighed and smiled.... then it rained ALL day today.
Do you know the kind of vision teachers have to have? Scanning vision. That kind. Scanning the playground or classroom, while dealing with one student, to make sure that all the others are not killing each other.
As much as I love the rain, fire drills in it are not fun. I decided it was really time to own a raincoat of some sort. With all my working this week I thought maybe I could afford to buy myself one. But then I remembered I have to pay to take a teacher licensure test (200 dollars), and I owe my parents about 500. This girl's deep in trouble.
I have been so tired and busy lately. I wish I could wake up and have the next week just be over. I'm up early every morning, running around to get things done, and I feel like I'm slowly killing myself.
I wish I could figure things out.
Do you know the kind of vision teachers have to have? Scanning vision. That kind. Scanning the playground or classroom, while dealing with one student, to make sure that all the others are not killing each other.
As much as I love the rain, fire drills in it are not fun. I decided it was really time to own a raincoat of some sort. With all my working this week I thought maybe I could afford to buy myself one. But then I remembered I have to pay to take a teacher licensure test (200 dollars), and I owe my parents about 500. This girl's deep in trouble.
I have been so tired and busy lately. I wish I could wake up and have the next week just be over. I'm up early every morning, running around to get things done, and I feel like I'm slowly killing myself.
I wish I could figure things out.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Monday and Tuesday nights we watched the Bob Dylan documentary by Scorsese on PBS. One of those nights they showed Dylan singing "Visions of Johanna".
My heart went up into my throat.
My heart went up into my throat.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
"I wasn't prepared for this..."-eisley
So. All three of you are wondering what's going on. maybe.
Last Saturday, not this last one this last weekend, but the one before, my parents sat down with my brother, sister-n-law, and me to talk about their plans for the future. My dad has always involved with short term missions in Mexico, and I knew that when he planned to retire he talked about moving there. I knew this was a dream of his, but I also knew that my mom was not exactly keen on the idea. She's only been there maybe three times for actual work camps. Mexico has always just been my dad's passion and my mom has played a role in letting him disappear 1-3 times a year for weeklong trips.
Well, it appears that what my dad has planned might be happening sooner rather than later. My dad is only 58 and I assumed that retirement meant 65, and that I had another 7 years before my parents made any sort of decisions about moving wherever (potential destinations being Klamath Falls, Northern California, Mexico, etc.) . Not so. My dad has decided that he could really get by by retiring next October at 59 1/2, and move to Mexico. He had a call two weeks ago from Meg Connors, a woman connected with the place I stayed while I was in Mexico. She asked when he was planning on retiring.
The place down there (Welcome Home, or WHO for short) needs an American liason to coordinate work groups and be a communicator to the American board of directors. My dad knows a ton of people in this town, knows his way around, loves Mexico, and there is a place for my parents to stay if they do decide to move there. Things are still QUITE up in the air, lest anything think this is a sure thing. Dad has a lot more talking to do, my parents have a lot more praying to do. I have a lot more crying to do, probably.
It has been in the back of my mind since last winter that I have the possibility of going overseas to teach when I graduate, specifically one place I'm looking at in India. I'm young, fresh out of college, and am not tied down to any significant other so that I can travel as I please. When I think about it I realize that next year at this time my parents could be living in Mexico, my brother and sister in law in southern Oregon, and myself in India (or Asia somewhere). The world I knew is falling apart. It blows my mind that I wouldn't have some sort of "home base" for coming back to Portland, a city that I love. I think I could be very, very alone and separated from what i hold dear.
However, it has become more evident in the last 10 months that I really do want a nomadic life for a while. I want to experience some freedom without many earthly possessions. I want to help others and live a life that is pleasing to the God I love. I used to think there was no way I could do it. I love my things too much. As silly as it sounds, I really love my chrome-lined table, my hairdryer chair, my music, my 50's starburst drinking glasses, and my beloved volvo station wagon. I've started to look around at these things and go "maybe I really could live with selling these things..." Well, I still don't know about getting rid of my beautiful car.
I wrote before that I do not understand the gospel of Jesus Christ. There's a story where a man says he wants to follow Christ, and Christ tells him to not even go back and say goodbye to his family. This is the God I serve. Is God asking me to leave what I cherish and love and go out on my own? What a crazy, mixed up, backward belief system. I love it, I dread it. What is holding me back?
So in the last week and a half my whole world has turned upside down. I told this to Natalie and she said "that's it?" Yes, that's it. I pictured my life after I graduated as something completely different. I pictured my parents' retirement years as something different. I pictured my lifestyle, goals, finances, dreams, and pursuits totally different. Yes. this is it.
"I wasn't prepared for this..."-eisley
So. All three of you are wondering what's going on. maybe.
Last Saturday, not this last one this last weekend, but the one before, my parents sat down with my brother, sister-n-law, and me to talk about their plans for the future. My dad has always involved with short term missions in Mexico, and I knew that when he planned to retire he talked about moving there. I knew this was a dream of his, but I also knew that my mom was not exactly keen on the idea. She's only been there maybe three times for actual work camps. Mexico has always just been my dad's passion and my mom has played a role in letting him disappear 1-3 times a year for weeklong trips.
Well, it appears that what my dad has planned might be happening sooner rather than later. My dad is only 58 and I assumed that retirement meant 65, and that I had another 7 years before my parents made any sort of decisions about moving wherever (potential destinations being Klamath Falls, Northern California, Mexico, etc.) . Not so. My dad has decided that he could really get by by retiring next October at 59 1/2, and move to Mexico. He had a call two weeks ago from Meg Connors, a woman connected with the place I stayed while I was in Mexico. She asked when he was planning on retiring.
The place down there (Welcome Home, or WHO for short) needs an American liason to coordinate work groups and be a communicator to the American board of directors. My dad knows a ton of people in this town, knows his way around, loves Mexico, and there is a place for my parents to stay if they do decide to move there. Things are still QUITE up in the air, lest anything think this is a sure thing. Dad has a lot more talking to do, my parents have a lot more praying to do. I have a lot more crying to do, probably.
It has been in the back of my mind since last winter that I have the possibility of going overseas to teach when I graduate, specifically one place I'm looking at in India. I'm young, fresh out of college, and am not tied down to any significant other so that I can travel as I please. When I think about it I realize that next year at this time my parents could be living in Mexico, my brother and sister in law in southern Oregon, and myself in India (or Asia somewhere). The world I knew is falling apart. It blows my mind that I wouldn't have some sort of "home base" for coming back to Portland, a city that I love. I think I could be very, very alone and separated from what i hold dear.
However, it has become more evident in the last 10 months that I really do want a nomadic life for a while. I want to experience some freedom without many earthly possessions. I want to help others and live a life that is pleasing to the God I love. I used to think there was no way I could do it. I love my things too much. As silly as it sounds, I really love my chrome-lined table, my hairdryer chair, my music, my 50's starburst drinking glasses, and my beloved volvo station wagon. I've started to look around at these things and go "maybe I really could live with selling these things..." Well, I still don't know about getting rid of my beautiful car.
I wrote before that I do not understand the gospel of Jesus Christ. There's a story where a man says he wants to follow Christ, and Christ tells him to not even go back and say goodbye to his family. This is the God I serve. Is God asking me to leave what I cherish and love and go out on my own? What a crazy, mixed up, backward belief system. I love it, I dread it. What is holding me back?
So in the last week and a half my whole world has turned upside down. I told this to Natalie and she said "that's it?" Yes, that's it. I pictured my life after I graduated as something completely different. I pictured my parents' retirement years as something different. I pictured my lifestyle, goals, finances, dreams, and pursuits totally different. Yes. this is it.
"I wasn't prepared for this..."-eisley
