Wednesday, July 12, 2006
It is hard to know where to start sometimes.
I am back in Portland, running the rat race that is an American life. I finally realized, while in Mexico, that I do love this country. I admit its shortcomings, its failures, its inabilities and its cockiness. But, I do also admit that I love it. As much as I like Mexico, I like America more. I am an American, and it's hard for me to walk away from it, as much as I've tried.
Again, everything in my life has changed, and I cannot point to a consistency. Everything is the up in the air right now, so much so that I feel some wandering because of a little lack of direction, not for the long haul, but for now. I'm trying to figure out my new role in my family, my new role in my friends, my new role as a career oriented woman, my new role in figuring out God.
I've realized as of late that I have to rely on myself. In high school I had no friends, and I was seriously blessed with great friends in college, but I've learned to depend on them. I have to get used to the inconsistency now. We're all changing, moving, doing new things, and I never adjust to change very well.
But, I've just made a large new purchase of a new computer and an ipod. It will will make me happy for a total of a week, and I will have spent all that money on what every American wants: happiness, fulfillment, a sense of being needed. All fleeting things, when looked for in possessions.
I'd like a little joy, please. i now know how good I am at feigning it all.
I am back in Portland, running the rat race that is an American life. I finally realized, while in Mexico, that I do love this country. I admit its shortcomings, its failures, its inabilities and its cockiness. But, I do also admit that I love it. As much as I like Mexico, I like America more. I am an American, and it's hard for me to walk away from it, as much as I've tried.
Again, everything in my life has changed, and I cannot point to a consistency. Everything is the up in the air right now, so much so that I feel some wandering because of a little lack of direction, not for the long haul, but for now. I'm trying to figure out my new role in my family, my new role in my friends, my new role as a career oriented woman, my new role in figuring out God.
I've realized as of late that I have to rely on myself. In high school I had no friends, and I was seriously blessed with great friends in college, but I've learned to depend on them. I have to get used to the inconsistency now. We're all changing, moving, doing new things, and I never adjust to change very well.
But, I've just made a large new purchase of a new computer and an ipod. It will will make me happy for a total of a week, and I will have spent all that money on what every American wants: happiness, fulfillment, a sense of being needed. All fleeting things, when looked for in possessions.
I'd like a little joy, please. i now know how good I am at feigning it all.
