Cement Girl

"tell her i moved down to mexico"

I wish.. but I'm only there a week.

sun, ocean breezes, hammers, and carne asada. mmmm.

I had a little scare last night. I went to the ER at 5am because I was having trouble breathing and I couldn't sleep. I had NO idea what brought it on. The fear instilled in me last night was so incredibly strong. It's one thing to be broken, to hurt, to have pain. It's quite another to really wonder if you could just die because you stop breathing. Needless to say- i did a little crying.

Anyway. I went to the ER. To make a long story short: they asked a lot of questions. They took xrays and blood tests. One test came back positive, so i took a CT scan to check for blood clots in my lungs. I got an IV. They couldn't find a blood clot on my lung, and they sent me home with an inahler just in case it happens again.

The weird thing is that they DID find six little spots on my lungs. The doctor said that a lot of people looked at it, including the radiologist, and nobody could identify what the spots were. Not tumors, not cancer, they would know what that looked like.

I entertained myself for four and a half hours by playing with my pulse-taking finger-holder, and making my pulse go up and down. I joked around with my nurses ("you're not going to sue me, are you?" "no, no. what's your last name, steven?"). I made my mom and dad call my work. I chewed off my nails which, for the last week, had grown so nicely.

I really feel fine about all of this. The doctors weren't concerned, I shouldn't be concerned. It wasn't scary at ALL until my mom was telling my brother on the phone and she said "no, not cancer or tumors or anything", and i began to think "what if it WAS?" and i began to remember my chaotic night of crying, debating with myself, and my hesitation to fall asleep for fear that i stop breathing. Scary.

But i'm fine! and i'm going to mexico. and i have an inhaler (which is weird), and i have this fatty purple bruise on my arm from where they took blood. cool.

CHICAGO

HOG Butcher for the World,
Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat,
Player with Railroads and the Nation's Freight Handler;
Stormy, husky, brawling,
City of the Big Shoulders:

They tell me you are wicked and I believe them, for I
have seen your painted women under the gas lamps
luring the farm boys.
And they tell me you are crooked and I answer: Yes, it
is true I have seen the gunman kill and go free to
kill again.
And they tell me you are brutal and my reply is: On the
faces of women and children I have seen the marks
of wanton hunger.
And having answered so I turn once more to those who
sneer at this my city, and I give them back the sneer
and say to them:
Come and show me another city with lifted head singing
so proud to be alive and coarse and strong and cunning.
Flinging magnetic curses amid the toil of piling job on
job, here is a tall bold slugger set vivid against the
little soft cities;

Fierce as a dog with tongue lapping for action, cunning
as a savage pitted against the wilderness,
Bareheaded,
Shoveling,
Wrecking,
Planning,
Building, breaking, rebuilding,
Under the smoke, dust all over his mouth, laughing with
white teeth,
Under the terrible burden of destiny laughing as a young
man laughs,
Laughing even as an ignorant fighter laughs who has
never lost a battle,
Bragging and laughing that under his wrist is the pulse.
and under his ribs the heart of the people,
Laughing!
Laughing the stormy, husky, brawling laughter of
Youth, half-naked, sweating, proud to be Hog
Butcher, Tool Maker, Stacker of Wheat, Player with
Railroads and Freight Handler to the Nation.

-Carl Sandburg-

I bought my car almost 27 months ago. I got in my car and saw that he turned over the 120k mark yesterday. That means I've put about 20k on my car in 27 months. Not too bad.

i was going to write something else... but i can't remember what it was, now.