Cement Girl

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ. You get comfortable. You're almost past it. You can deal with it. You're not talking to him, and it seems that's the way it's gonna be. Then out of nowhere you get a PM on the message board from him.

"hi. How're you? I miss you"

WHAT!!!! So i got kinda cruel. I'm sorry but he really couldn't miss me. If he did, he would've been talking to me, and would've done it a long time ago. So this is the rest of our conversation, PM-ing back and forth.

ME:"I"m fine. I go home on Sunday. I don't think you miss me, but thanks for the sentiments"

him:"okay"

ME:"*sigh* what am I supposed to think? I know you're alone this weekend, I know you're probably bored. Your family is out of town, you can't see Carole. (I said something else, but now if forget what it was)."

him: "Uhm, I'm in Omaha at Carole's house. I just wanted to say hello. This is so childish."

ME:"What's childish? This conversation or me?"

him: "Well, you can be very cruel. That's what I can't figure out. You're not like that. I don't know. I'll stop writing."

ME: (and now i can't remember exactly what I said, but it was along the lines of:) Well, yeah, I get kinda cruel when I feel I'm being looked down on, or being mocked. I get very defensive. I have to go to work now (which i did).

and he didn't pm me back. I e-mailed him a one-line e-mail late last night. I figure if he wants to talk, it might as well be through e-mail.

It just makes you wonder... WHY THE HECK? He has his happy life with Carole. Talking to me isn't going to make HER happy. I'll probably get an e-mail in a few days, with her talking smack about me. It's just so ridiculous. That's all. Yeah, I miss him. I miss long conversations about nothing. But really? I can find those somewhere else. The value of our friendship didn't mean too much to him. I got THAT picture a while ago.

You know what i was thinking? It's amazing how me and my mom are friends. We get along really well. The mom-daughter relationship is really unique. I'm her daughter, she's my mom, but we're friends too. Kinda odd.. I came out of her, she nursed me, she watched me grow up. And now we're friends. I'm almost 20 years old, and she's watched all of it. really cool.

That led to thinking about this guy Darren, who i know from online. He reads this blog, so i have to keep all my talk about him nice. But we met back... I think it was the summer of '98. We've known each other for 4 years now. He's 9 years older than me, and we still keep somewhat in contact. Anyway. So he's known me from the time I was 15, which is almost embarrassing. I'm 19 now.. and am I any different? i don't know how different I am. I think I'm somewhat less hyper. That's probably what he'd say. Anyway- That's a scary. I don't even have any friend-friends that have known me that long. I met April that fall. There is no one in my life right now (besides family) that has known me that long. It's scary. What was I into when I was 15? Switchfoot, for sure. Probably some Plankeye, and... Dc talk. haha. yeah. But other than that, I forget how i was. Maybe Darren can enlighten us all.

"Am i always wrong
Did you see it
(Am i that wrong?)
There's another one
Right there
And it's falling
Cause it's finished
Being a star
Can you feel it?
Does it mean as much
To you
Honestly
Honestly
Honestly"-Brandtson

Okay. so either bank boy is broke, or HE"S BEEN READING MY BLOG! because he's been a no show. He gets one more chance tomorrow! One more chance ot ask me out. and then the summer is over (locals hardly ever come in on weekends). That's it folks.

I was all la dee da working today, and i looked out the window, and what did I see? this girl that looked like Natalie! And i was like "whoaa that girl looks like natalie" but then i looked harder, and there was this girl that looked like natalie's sister! What the? Finally I realized it WAS NATALIE!!!!!!!!!! so i ran outside, and we yelled, and hugged and it was so happy! I haven't seen her since the middle of june. So yeah. Her family ate at the restaurant, and then Natalie, her sister Elizabeth and I hung out for an hour and a half. We went to marsh's, got ice cream, and then headed to beach, went on the boardwalk, and then down by the ocean. FUN FUN FUN!!! I was so happy to see a FRIEND.. in LONG BEACH!! crazy crazy. her family had been up on vacation in Northern washington, and they decided to stop by this afternoon. Haha. Natalie didn't even know exactly where i worked, just that it was a deli. Didn't take her too long to find me! :) funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

(i'm bored)

So i'm thinking that this band makes me want to float away. Maybe nobody else ever feels this feeling, but i've got denison marrs playing on my headphones. It's a split with Stavesacre, who is slightly heavier, and the lead singer has a more a growly voice. As soon as the cd hits track 3, everything changes. I like Stavesacre and all, but they don't do THIS to me. Denison Marrs is beautiful and that's all there is to it. I don't even think I can explain it. He has a pretty voice, and the music feels like.. spacey rock.

And then the bridge... mmmm. guitars. It's floaty. It's spacious. It makes me want to crawl into a hole and listen to it all day. There. That's what it makes me feel.

"so let's get light years away
from all the things those people say"-Denison Marrs

hey! counting today..5 days left!! DA DA DA!!!

Last night i wanted my long hair back so bad. I was sitting here at the computer, and there's a window next to me. I saw my reflection in the mirror and hated the look of my long hair. I think it's because everyday I have to pull it back, for work, and i haven't seen my hair down for a day for two and a half weeks. That can be frustrating, especially when I actually LIKE the look of my hair down. Poo. I can't even pull my hair back into a ponytail without some clip help, becuase it's too short. now THAT's deprsesing. Next Wednesday- I think that's when I get to wear my hair down.

"I'm seeing sideways
I've fallen down again
And it's so hard to find my way"-Cool Hand Luke

so i told someone this last night. You know you are comfortable with being single when you see a couple, and instead of being jealous, you think "oh they're cute together!" and go "awww"

counting today.. it's 7more days. :)