Cement Girl

being by myself, late, on the computer is not a good idea.

I will always find something to justify spending my money on.

I got this job. And i'm really excited about it. I'm nervous that I won't do well, but i'm still excited. It's at this art gallery that's just opening on Saturday, and i get paid well, AND i get 10% commission on the art I sell. It's very good, and the owners are really nice. I have to dress up :(

I just realized tonight how old I'm getting! I didn't want to be this old. I didn't want to wear responsible clothes. I didn't want to look cute. I DON"T want to look cute. i want a sweatshirt and jeans.

I would like contentment. Isn't that ironic? Wanting contentment? Maybe that should be my Hum410 paper. Desiring contentment.

Anyway. that's what I thought about, while i drove home from church tonight. I'm so afraid of losing myself over the years. Will i be 55 and still listening to the music I listen to? My mom used to like the Beatles back in the day, but she doesn't listen to them anymore. I'd like to think i'll be different from my mom.

I started thinking all those questions: who IS meghan? what are my hopes and dreams? what are my fears? What are my passions? What am I going to do with my life? I may be okay, and know what I"m doing right now, but where the heck is my life going?

besides the fact that this whole "boy" things suck big apples.

goodnight

"God if You can hear
Can You help me and my friends
We've been driving all night
And two dead ends
We just wanna find our own way
Home again
We knew You as kids
But lost in You in smoky bars
We lost in the boom of the motorcars (?)
And in parties that grew into the yard"-twothirtyeight

# posted by Meghan @ 10:55 PM 0 comments

What is this crap? Up and down, down and up. I"m okay one minute, I'm not the next. One little conversation with Nick and I'm over the edge.
My mom got so upset cause I turned down an offer for a blind date. I adamently said no. I am not looking to meet a guy, with the potential to hook up. I want to be friends first with whoever he is. I don't like it when people try to hook me up with someone. It's basically saying "here. date this person. you are not good enough on your own. you must date."

Excuse me. This semester was filled with SO many things that I don't think I could handle that. No thanks. And i don't need some stranger getting into my personal life. I'll remain disconnected and distant, that's comfy. Thanks.

I'd rather think about different things. Like music, and my family, and about how HANNAH is gonna be so FREAKIN CUTE!! I know i talk about it too much (offline) ... to my roomate. She's sick of hearing how Rinda is, and how the baby is, and how big Rinda's getting, and how I saw the cutest outfit for Hannah. She might kill me. Can you imagine what it's going to be like when she actually arrives in March? i'm going to be freaking out, and hypervenilating and showing her picture to EVERYONE who will look my way. I'm gonna be an aunt! I'm so completely excited. And i have to wait four more months! Torture.

Anyway. And God. God is so good, and I give Him nothing. Let's not get into that.

I've got so much to think about, and all the thoughts in my head are conflicting. Sometimes I get tired of it all.

"Keep waiting. I'll be right on time."-Stavesacare