Cement Girl

Today in spiritual formation class we got in small groups and discussed some things about our spiritual growth. The last question was how can you see God's grace in your life.

And i just shared that... well to begin with- I'm a very end oriented person. I don't like discussions (debates) unless there is some sort of end and agreement at the end. I hate things to be left up in the air. I have a lot of questions, and when I'm ask them, i want answers. I do that on message boards a lot- ask questions, and if I don't get an answer, i keep asking "why?" or "why not?".

So i said that how i was seeing God's grace in my life recently was just in how He's letting me let go. I shared at our class party last Thursday that this semester has just been a lot of me just asking questions, going over things in my mind, figuring out why I believe certain things. And I think God's allowing me to ask questions, and just let those be voiced. Sure, I want answers, but somehow, recently i've been okay with just asking, and pondering. That's really weird to me, but somehow it's happening.

It bothers me so much when someone asks me a situational question about faith and what i believe. It makes me want to just lay down and cry because I don't have answer. I don't know how to confront a friend about something. I don't know what to say to someone who doesn't believe. I don't know how to ever get my point across, and sometimes i just want to lay down and cry. Cry to God and say "please please fix this."