Saturday, October 08, 2005
"You wanna know which way to go. Who's going to want to follow you now?"-viva voce
It's already October. The leaves are turning, and I can think back to all the plans we had for summer, when school seemed so far away. Now the school year is already more than a month underway. The days pass so quickly, and I can't figure out if I like that or not. I know I'm not really that old, but I'll be turning 23 soon and I can hardly believe it. That fact, along with the last month passing so quickly make me think death is soon ahead. I certainly don't feel 23 or act 23, but sometimes I think I might pass for 23.... only when I have on teacher clothes and large hoop earrings.
What did you want 2 years ago 4 years ago? 6?
It seems there are always a number of life choices one has. My mind is in transition from really wanting my first choices to slowly accepting and desiring my second ones. I can't figure out if I'm wanting the second choices because the first ones never materialized, or if I stopped wanting the first choices when I began to experience more of the second. Life does weird things to your soul and your mind.
"this is a wrecking ball, psychological"-viva voce
It's already October. The leaves are turning, and I can think back to all the plans we had for summer, when school seemed so far away. Now the school year is already more than a month underway. The days pass so quickly, and I can't figure out if I like that or not. I know I'm not really that old, but I'll be turning 23 soon and I can hardly believe it. That fact, along with the last month passing so quickly make me think death is soon ahead. I certainly don't feel 23 or act 23, but sometimes I think I might pass for 23.... only when I have on teacher clothes and large hoop earrings.
What did you want 2 years ago 4 years ago? 6?
It seems there are always a number of life choices one has. My mind is in transition from really wanting my first choices to slowly accepting and desiring my second ones. I can't figure out if I'm wanting the second choices because the first ones never materialized, or if I stopped wanting the first choices when I began to experience more of the second. Life does weird things to your soul and your mind.
"this is a wrecking ball, psychological"-viva voce
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I think death scares you in the same way it scares me.
I'm not afraid of heaven because I know it will be beautiful, but I am afraid of forever not in the way you think, but in the fact that it's never gonna end and I'm a little ADD and thinking about something never ending freaks me out. But then I feel God take hold of my hand and whisper in my ear, be still my child. I will love you and protect you. He asks if I believe in Him and I close my eyes and whisper yes. He tells then I don't need to fear the future, or death, or growing old because he will always be there.
Pencil marks on the wall
I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed
You watched my team win
You watched my team lose
You watched when my bicycle went down again
And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”
The winds of change,
And circumstance blow in and all around
us so we find a foothold that’s familiar,
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer
Life had begun, I was woven and spun,
You let the angels dance around the throne, who can say when,
But they’ll dance again, when I am free and finally headed home
I will be weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name
“Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and
the End, I am, yes, I am.”
I'm not afraid of heaven because I know it will be beautiful, but I am afraid of forever not in the way you think, but in the fact that it's never gonna end and I'm a little ADD and thinking about something never ending freaks me out. But then I feel God take hold of my hand and whisper in my ear, be still my child. I will love you and protect you. He asks if I believe in Him and I close my eyes and whisper yes. He tells then I don't need to fear the future, or death, or growing old because he will always be there.
Pencil marks on the wall
I wasn't always this tall
You scattered some monsters from beneath my bed
You watched my team win
You watched my team lose
You watched when my bicycle went down again
And When I was weak unable to speak,
still I could call You by name,
and I said “Elbow healer, Superhero,
come if You can,” and You said “I am”
The winds of change,
And circumstance blow in and all around
us so we find a foothold that’s familiar,
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer
Life had begun, I was woven and spun,
You let the angels dance around the throne, who can say when,
But they’ll dance again, when I am free and finally headed home
I will be weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name
“Creator, Maker, Life-sustainer,
Comforter, Healer, My Redeemer,
Lord and King, Beginning and
the End, I am, yes, I am.”
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