Cement Girl

I am looking forward to this weekend. I am missing a long-awaited Copeland concert so that I can visit with my 2 year old niece and that's just wonderful by me. I am especially looking forward to the 8 hour train ride home that I am taking. My parents are leaving on Sunday, but I want to spend more time with my brother, sister-in-law, and niece, and so I will be going home midweek next week.

Yesterday as I pulled into a gas station I realized how uncomfortable I am now. I came home from Mexico and was just surrounded by things I understood. Words, sayings, music, but also a culture that I am familiar with. It is overwhelming sometimes to be enveloped by everything I know. I got so used to being alienated by a culture and language, so used to quiet time by myself because it was forced on me, that now I'm not quite sure how to live my life when I have everything I need and want.

Since being back my life has been filled with media, friends, family, and freedom of the internet which includes music scenes, theology, and sarcasm. These are all things I didn't really have in Mexico. I was Meghan and there wasn't a whole lot that was inputting into that. Now all I constantly have is input. I have hardly read since being back, and I've touched my guitar maybe a total of five times.

While I know what I'm missing and what trash I've put into my life since being back it is hard to stop when all I know is better than that trash. I want it, I want it, I want it. I can't pretend that I didn't want it in Mexico, but I simply couldn't have it, and that made me feel righteous and okay.

Needless to say, I'm really looking forward to 8 hours on a train, not talking to anybody, listening to music and reading.

I'm sorry that all I'm talking about is Mexico, but I just can't help it.