Cement Girl

I didn't really want to write about this, but if i don't write about it, then what's the point of the blog, right?

Yesterday i popped in Moby's "Play" cd. Fun stuff. Weird memories. I bought it because of Seth, basically. I grew to love it on my own. I would drive to work last summer and turn up the fun, upbeat songs. There's a particular song on there with a very distinct and obvious bass line, and i loved it. anyway- that brought back memories.

So now it'll start to be summer. And when I drive anywhere in my car with no air conditioning, or I'll listen to something like twothirtyeight's "regulate the chemicals" or especially Brandtson's "letterbox", it will bring back all of those things. The heat on the back, the awkwardness. 16 days in a motorhome. Making sandwiches for tourists.

I can't believe it's been almost a year. I don't even think I can remember this last year, it's so far removed, i feel so far removed from it. And still I can remember those moments last July. The anticipation. I was just reading his blog, reading through old entries, and I remembered why i fell for him so hard... and then I listen to those cds (re: Brandtson's "Summer in St. Claire") and remember why I said no. And i remember that hug.

I watched my cornerstone video the other day because I had yet to finish transferring it to an actual videotape. When i sit and think about those things... it feels like I was a completely different person.

So with all of those things that happened last summer I wonder what this summer has for me. I'm really just looking forward to relaxing and working, and reading and doing things to keep myself busy. Then there's walkabout, and coming back to school next August to be a PA.

It's weird when you don't really have any expectations for the summer. I had so many last year. So, so many. I remember telling Seth before we met "well, after July i'll be a different person, no matter what happens". And I'm wondering if I'll be able to share the same sentiment this year.

Life is a funny thing.