Cement Girl

You'll all have to ignore that little drawing down there. I have to do it over, cause i spelled Shachah wrong. I wasn't quite sure, and i was in class, so i just did it like that, darnit. so now i'm gonna do it over and make it a lot nicer.

What a long day. Natalie had more than me, and man.. i'm just tired. up at 7:30. Of course Natalie says that I must be really nervous about my practicum or something because on some of the nights before a practicum i wake up in the middle of the night and go and get my robe like i'm going to go take a shower, and Natalie always has to say "what are you doing?" haha. and usually my answer is "i'm not quite sure." I did it this morning at 5:30am. Well first i woke up at like 4:45 because the freakin' garbage truck was here! oh my word. then i woke up at 5:30 and thought it was time to get up. It wasn't. went back to sleep- woke up at 6:30, 6:45, 7:05, 7:15, and finally got up around 7:20. turned my alarm off (so it wouldn't go off while i was in the shower).... it's all so stupid.

so i went to practicum. Came back a little after noon. I happened to catch Rinda and Hannah before they went left for their new home, five hours away. kisses and hugs, and "see you two weeks!". Man, Hannah will be so much bigger the next time I see her. wahhhh this is now my life. I want to cry about it.

Then i went to lunch with Tai, and came back and sat in my room- that was my downtime (i wrote downtown the first time i wrote it.. weird). Vocal jazz- we have a concert tomorrow night. fun (blech). then a half hour where natalie and i sat in the library... i was antsy and went to check out the little upstairs room of the library i'd never been to before.. that was interesting. Then class. then dinner. then we had our sophomore class party. our piddly party with like 27 people. that was fun. We stopped at Natalie's grandma's house since she lives by where were having our party.

And now i'm back here. brief hall meeting which nobody showed up to. Nice. wonderful the things i have to look forward to as a PA- people not showing up to hall meetings or activities.

we talked about our respective years tonight at the sophomore party- one of the questions was what did you learn about yourself this year. I got all babbly and it didn't come out right- but i talked about examining my beliefs a lot. Looking at what i've believed all my life and wondering "do i believe that because i've been taught that, or because it's the Truth and it's in the Bible?" i also talked about how i learned how important my family is, this year. so many changes and spending so much time with them. I love them so much- they're my rock and my support group. It is really wonderful having a group of people like that who have watched you grow up through your awkward times (aren't they all) and who still love you because you're YOU, not because you're someone else. And you can all laugh together and you can be real around them. I never feel like I have to put a facade on when i'm around my family, and that's nice.

Even with most of the other people i know- i put on some facade. Content girl. nice girl. brown noser (ugh). the wallflower. rock and roll elite. the one who laughs and pokes fun.

with my family it's just nice to be Meghan.

A week ago i sat with my mom in Taco Bell and just talked. She just listened to all the things i wanted to talk about. Mostly all of them were superfluous (sp?) and petty things.. just talking about what i wanted to do next year as a PA, and what was going on, telling stories. But it was so nice to have someone who just let me talk. We were leaving and saying goodbye, we hugged and my mom said "thanks for sitting and talking" and i said "thank you for listening."

"you were a brother
before you were a king
when you're dethroned
what will you be?
you were a tower
lifted up so tall
we have to gasp
as we see
the height from which you fall

you wanna hide beneath the pretty paint
you wanna be okay with everything
you wanna be transformed and stay the same
you wanna be dry in the rain" -cool hand luke

# posted by Meghan @ 11:43 PM