Cement Girl

Today in chapel we watched the 8 minute video about our trip to Mexico last year, and I started crying. Right there in chapel. I"m such a big softie. Video of my dad with those little kids, and me teaching them how to brush their teeth properly. The drug rehab center, and those boys building that family's house. Later on we sang that worship song "All of my ambitions, hopes and plans. I surrend these into Your hands".

And it just made me think of what my priorities are. Iv'e been upset lately cause I can't go to Cornerstone, and one of those reasons was because of going to Mexico at the very end of June, and now i'm telling myself "Cornerstone? Over being in Mexico again? Yeah right." I realized today how much I thrive on those experiences. I have no idea what God is telling me, and that's scary. Well, maybe I do know what He is saying, and I'd like to think I can't hear Him. Too bad HE knows that I know what He's saying. I'm accountable now, to how I'm going to spend my life, and what I'm going to do with it. I will be held responsible for my actions, my time, my efforts, my relationships and the things I hold dearly. What is it in my life that is above all else? Can i say that it is God, or am I just fooling myself? What kind of impact do I really want to make? This is more than scary, it's mind-blowing, and I feel like He's taking my plans and turning them into something else.

I saw people after chapel. They were laughing about me being relatively stupid in the video (i mean, c'mon, I was showing kids how to properly brush their teeth). They were asking if I was there, and if i knew they were showing the video. I laughed about it with them, but all I could think of was how that experience (and others) have shaped me, and change how i see things. I cried there in chapel. Not fully because I was being sentimental and sappy, but because i want to go back. So badly.

We were meant to live for so much more