Cement Girl

I'm sitting here, listening to the Carolines. Somehow things seem a little okay when they're on.

I'm also sitting here trying to figure out how to solve everything. And i mean everything. How i can fix my friends' situations. How I can pay for textbook next week. How I can start a band. How I can make friends. How I can find the right guy. How I can ... anything. and everything.

It would be nice to have solutions once in a while. I felt SO on top of it today. Then i just came down. All the way down.

I was telling nick.. it's an odd thing. I feel fifteen again, with what's going on with my friends. I feel fifteen again in that I'm by myself, and I'm feel very.. alone, yet very independent. For three weeks I've been alone, and even though I've been bored out of my mind some of the time, I've felt incredibly.. ..

free... And now that i've got all these things to think about.. it's like coming back down from that cloud, and hitting the earth again. School's going to start up. Classes will start. I will have to deal with the pressure of everyone else on campus. And i will be continually be reminded that in my singleness.. the simple I is not good enough. It's one of those nights where I'd like to curl up and go away. f a a a a a a r away.

Or sit with a guy friend and play video games. or lay on a lawn and talk. or be happy.

"Fill my empty hands
With beaches of sand
I'm in a New York band
Playing the grand

I didn't wanna believe it
When i found You in my life
I was more than I had to be
When I found You in my life
I needed consistency

Gentle gentle breeze
Propelling me free
It's like a new disease
Sick of the motion
I'm down on my knees"-Carolines