Cement Girl

The last two Sundays at church have been really contemplative and reflective for me. Especially, because at this point right now, I'm wondering "what am I doing with this life? Is there anytime when I get to do what i want?" I have all these desires, and dreams that I want to achieve, and to have, and I'm wondering if God is going to place them in front of me. Are they part of his plan?

Last Sunday our associate pastor spoke.. and... it just totally hit home. It spoke on Jeremiah 29:11, which I know, and everyone knows, and I think about it all the time, but it was weird that while i was struggling with this future stuff, he spoke on it. Also, he spoke about a woman who was left behind with two sons, and basically starving, and the prophets performed a miracle for her, creating oil for her sell, to feed her family. God took care of her. Geez.

And then yesterday. On top of our pastor speaking on the topic of marriage (guh..dream), we had communion. And i'm sitting on the stage, during second service, waiting to be served communion. And i'm thinking about all of this. Love. Communion is such a reminder of love. So often we get caught up in the grace and mercy that we forget the sacrifice of love. And while I was sitting there I looked down at my ring on my thumb. It simply says "faith". I sat there and stroked that word as i thought "Love. If God loved me enough to hang on a dirty cross like a common thief, to die, then maybe he loves me enough to make something beautiful out of this"... which turned to the thought that God makes all things beautiful in His time. He has a plan. He cares. But He has his plans, and something will come about sometime. Maybe. Or maybe God will put a new desire in my heart. Who knows.

On another point of topic... I remember this lesson I learned last year. People disappoint. But God won't.

"And I pray that you
being rooted and established in love
may have power together with all the saints
to grasp how wide and long and high and deep
is the love of Christ
And to know this love
that surpasses understanding
that you may be filled to the measure
of all the fullness of God"-Ephesians 3:17b-19