Cement Girl

My mom asked me tonight what i wanted to do, a dream I had. This came because I said i was bad at school, and because of this conversation we were having of me turning 20, and how i said I didn't want to turn 20, then i had to grow up, and didn't want to graduate college because then i had to go teach kids. Anyway. She asked. and i said "it won't happen." and she said "Well if you say that, then it won't... is it something in the music business?" and i said "well i want to be in a band, but nobody wants me in a band, it won't happen." this is weird because it's like if i finally admit my dream to my mom, it's like i've admitted it to the world.

So then of course i got depressed cause this is what i'd rather be doing with my life. I know i should have a degree anyway, and so i should be doing that.. but i love music more than all of this right now.. and i'd rather spend my life dealing with that.

Oh- and of course my dad thinks the reason I don't want to turn 20 is because i haven't found the one. I said I didn't want to, and he goes off into "well your mom didn't get married till she was twenty" and i'm like "That's not even why I don't to turn twenty, but thanks for reminding me." By this time Joel and Rinda were in love, and planning their life.

Gee whiz.
Shoot me.
I don't even want to socialize right now, because I fear I might have a breakdown. i'd like to crawl into a hole until i'm 65.