Cement Girl

I was reading someone else's blog today, and she was talking about how you want something, you think you want it at least, but then you know that it really wouldn't be "you".

I get like that so many times. Since being back on campus i think i've thought about it at least 50 times. What if I wore those clothes? or wore makeup? or listened to that music, or did that certain thing, or my hair was perfect? What would my life be like? Maybe i want that, because it seems like that people with that, that their lives are content, that they're happy, and they have what I want. But then you just realize that .. well.. i don't want that. It's in no way "me". If i would dress up like that, be like that, i wouldn't be happy that way. Right? Right. Sometimes it's hard to figure out just what I'm aiming for.

Frankly, right now, I'm happy with myself. I know who I am, I know what I'm about. I sat on Natalie's bed last night, and stared at my side of the room. The things that make me me, what covers my walls... pictures from concerts. Two Switchfoot posters. An old Volvo ad, The picture Henrie drew. A dear ephesus poster, a "Volvo" emblem. Black and white pictures of my grandparents, aunt and mom. Eeyore. All my cds. Pictures of my family, and April.. friends. My subtle blue gingham bed, with splashes of red: the red star carpet, the red backrest, the red seat cushion. The collage on my desk. The quotes on my bolsters. That's who I am. That's Meghan

"Let's get light years away
From all the things that people say"-Denison Marrs